wow...I cant believe I got my heart broken

yes this post is about Chess. If you want to skip the whining then skip to the 3rd paragraph...
I really have only ever had 3people I am truly emotionally attached to, ya know mom, dad and Gram. I mean...my friends are important to me but they are going to leave eventually, so in my head they arent permanent. Ive never had permanent friends, I moved around so much when I was little I learned that you have to say goodbye to people and thats the end of it.

I've always sortof prided myself on the fact that I could move on so quickly from fights and people or whatever. I know this is my like 15th whiny post about this kid but this is the only place that I can talk to...anyway...I only really new this kid for about 7months! and somehow he worked his way into my head and changed me. When I see him in the hallways I know I should be with him but Im not cause I fucked it up. And all that bullshit about flaws are what make him blah blah blah. Fuck his flaws, they are still going to annoy the fuck out of me. But I know now how happy he made me :[ after its way to late...


Alright to I wore my easytone sneakers to school and people were like WTF?? I mean...theyre just sneakers. But we had Play Practice today and I tried to walk as much as possible back stage. My legs are all numb cause I stood for about 5hrs straight. I really didnt eat much today at all.

1 1/2 cups Chili
1/2 sandwich(bread, balsamic, chicken cutlet, provolone cheese)
2 diet pepsi

That is it :D It was homemade Chili so it was healthier then usual. Tomatoes, beef, celery, onions, beans. Gooood stuff. The sandwich was the second half to my friends sandwich, she offered it to me and well I wanted it. plus it was the small half. well when Im upset I dont want to eat much.

BTW by black eye got 1000X worse hahah it got alot darker. Thanks too! Oh and I love to hug my mom, were a really huggy family. It always makes me feel better to get a hug from my momma :D

Black eye..

So I gave myself a black eye...the picture made it really lite and its gotten alot worse over night. lol I think its kindof funny Im not going to cover it up wither ;]

My parents are really oblivious to how little I eat. They ask me everyday if Im gonna eat lunch and I say "nah not right now" and they just assume I eat. haha what a joke. I can however feel my mom purposely rubbing my ribs to see how skinny I am I weighed 103.0 today :D and I feel pretty good. I played on my wii fit for an hour or so (mostly jogging)

Ive been trying to talk to Chess more and more understandably he doesnt really talk to me but :/ sigh Im sure this will all work out :[

think thin girls

100th post and a damn good day

So I only got like5 hours of sleep last night, got up and into the show, and it was fucking cold. So I was pass out tired all day, and to top it all off my stomach was killing me. Worst pain Ive felt in a while. My dad picked me up from school early at around 10:30 and spent the rest of the day sitting on my couch. Ate about 7pieces of pineapple and then about a half cup of pasta and veggies. So I ate like nothing and my parents were totally cool with that mostly cause I was playing up the sick card.

So I sortof in a round about lazy way told Chess I missed him. I kindof slipped it into a text inbetween how ya doing and goodnight...:/

stay thin

I need all your girls to answer me ASAP. Seriously.

Should I tell chess I miss him? I need your answers now. You girls are the only ones who 100% know how I feel about him. youre the only ones with whom ive shared everything about my relationship with. Im so on the fence, and none of my friends are a great help. so please Id love to hear your opinions.

Um...I think I love him

Chess. That one. Who I broke up with, and regretted, and then was happy that I was rid of the ass and after all this time and hate, and sadness, and anger, and jealousy. I miss him immensely. I do with all of my heart miss him and my heart aches every night. Im also high as fuck.