So This Happened XD

He started it and I played along, and then I was just an ass XD OMG he came into school with his nails painted BRIGHT BLUE. He said his little sister painted them while he was sleeping, but there wasnt a chip, bump, mush, nothing on those nails. Ladies, you know. If you dont sit perfectly still and do nothing till they are 150% Dry they will get messed up. And he slept with wet nails and they came out perfect? No. Sorry doesn't work. I dont believe Ive shared a picture of him. Hes chubby, short(my height), and his hair is to his lower back.

Oh did I fail to mention he gets mistaken for a girl? alot? Like truckers have tried to get his number. Lol

Im sorry I just had to share this

Baller Day

Lol I want to go into detail, but I dont want someone to find this. Long story short I was blazed(high) from 7:28Am-12:30pm. If thats not a win day I dont know what is! Haha. I dont think I ate much today. Although my mom made my FAVORITE!! Swiss Steak, egg noodles, and spinach. ohhhhhhh yum :3 I only had soda otherwise...yea lol

Good times today. hahaha :D

Going into NYC some day this week, Thursday I think. Then some AP Art Field trip on Friday.Saturday I'm supposed to go over to Marcus's house and watch anime with him :3 I hope we get snuggly ^-^ This will be a fantastic week. I can feel it.


Lol and yes it issss a LONG ASS WALK down there. Everyday there and back, rain or shine, sleet, or snow. We are out there. Smoking....hahaha

<3Thanks for your support and comments <3 They all made me lol

LOOOK AT THIS
http://www.vogue.com/vogue-daily/article/vd-here-come-the-really-cool-girls-offduty-model-looks-at-the-couture/?mbid=v_su_ppc_offduty

Im a Shitty Person

And I dont care at all.

Im a Shitty person cause my ex-boyfriend just posted "I'm checking into rehab, 'cause everything that we had, didn't mean a thing to you" from the Love Drunk song(?) and ya know. He pisses me off. Like fuck him. Sooo I posted another line from the song "All the bullshit you put me through" with a little <3 next to it. Heres to you asshole :] haha yet another reason I hate facebook

Yes I am infact a person who seeks revenge, he was a total dick, I gave him chance after chance and he was just shitty. I know how immature, dont try to tell me Im not :P Cause I really am sometimes. Most of the time I act my age...hahaha

I really appreciate the fact that you like the thinspo I put together. :D Ill keep trying to put one up with every post <3

Cause all the good times, They give you cancer

Haha for the next forever Im just gonna do song lyric titles and movie references.

Today was really nice, I mean fucking freezing, but nice. Everyday I walk from my school to a deli down this long ass walk. I google mapped it lol here :]



I walk there and back everyday. I dont know the exact distance. Although its hard to tell, theres a shit ton of hills and walking up them after 2 or 3 cigarettes makes it so much harder @__@ haha but its good for me. I also got a little high. lol Art was awesome.

I ate:
coffee X2
tea x2
Hot chocolate
Turkey
Mashed Potatoes
Broccoli
Bread
Diet Pepsi X2

OH MY GOD I was so embarrassed today X.X I plugged my USB in while talking to the boy I like and it just started playing all the pics! The first one to pop up was of me and my ex-boyfriend kissing. >.< Im sure I turned bright red. I dont know why I have it either. I dont want to delete it ughhh. Anyone else Id be cool, but Marcus? ughhh X.X I would rather my thinspo folder start playing that I could just be like oh, I really liked the outfit or something, for an art project.
Ok. Deep Breath.
Gotta gather my cool back.....ok got it together. Bahahaha little freak out there ^-^
lol I sound like a tool.

Grams home. Really happy. Hes chilling with the parents right now. w/e. He gave me his bracelet from when he was a baby, in otherwords my writs fit into a baby bracelet.

Ok heres my deal. I think Im thin. I just think I could be thinner I mean, I could probably stop here and be fine, but I wouldnt be perfect, you have to push yourself. And thats what Im doing. Pushing myself.

<3 thanks for the comments all you lovelies they really make me happy :D

What? Really? Again? Seriously?

Third day in a ROW that Ive been woken up early. 10am this time. Normally I cant fall asleep again either, but if I try hard enough I can. I end up rolling around alot, there has to be at least 10min of perfect silence for it to work though. I ended up getting out of bed at 11.

I feel like shit though, like I want to puke, and my stomach is messed up, and Im really tired. I spent like 80% of the day going up and down stairs because I kept having to retrieve christmas decor from my basement. I got 1room "done" I also put up like 1/4 my tree. I love christmas, just not today. Totally not in the mood.

Dad came home today. No fights....YET. lol He is actually going into the city for work tomorrow yay!! and Grams coming home cant wait!

Annie: I fucking love MCR to the death. Ill post some pics of my room later and you can see all the posters and shit I have of them. Its hilarious, Ill also share some concert pics. I saw them in Madison Square Garden and I had seen them before that as The Black Parade. My friends use to call me Ferard cause I used to look like Gerard(when my hair was shorter) and I had all of Franks energy and hyperness lol I <3 MCR

Ariana: You were totally right about the nose thing! We had some Realtor over :/ not that exciting by my nose stopped itching XD I have a food journal that I keep alot of my thinspo in. But I keep all of it on my USB, I have a whole series of folders you have to go through. From the whole usb-->work-->math(cause its about +/-)--> thinspo-->fattys or before and after folders.

Love you all <3 Love all your blogs <3 Love all your comments <3 love all your AWESOME

GOD

People are annoying. I cant stand to look at my facebook newsfeed anymore. Its like all the people who I dislike decided to post something at the same time. Its like the peoples whos faces I cant stand to look at, whos faces just...annoy me! OR I cant stand what their saying, I just want to write "shut the fuck up, I dont want to hear about it!" Im so damn tired.

So in my Thinspo folder on my USB there is this picture.


Why you may ask? When I found this there was a comment that made me laugh so hard I cryed. Some admirable soul had written:

"whatever, that's what fat people with no will power say! think thin girls! love ya to the bones."

I have never been so proud of my fellow pro-anas as I was then.

Stuffin Muffin!!

Woke up to my Mom making stuffing into muffins. Deliciously unhealthy ;] Was also woken up way too early by a text from a friend @________@ fell back asleep though.

I went and got a mani/pedi and ooohhhh did that feel good! I love getting all that attention and also getting those great massages! Im one of those girls who always get black nail polish ;D

No anime club today D: Marcus couldnt do it, so no snugglies with him and I had even gotten my hair all nice:[ ( I talked to Marcus alot last night SQUEEE) I dont really watch that much Anime, but I do watch, "My Bride is a Mermaid", "Moribito", "Hellsing" and Pokemon. I love movies like Spirited Away, Howls Moving Castle, Ponyo, The Place Promised in Our Early Days, and Kikis Delivery Service. I never read much Manga except Inuyasha.

Today I ate(too much):
Sandwich 1/2
Coffee X2
Diet Pepsi X2
Tea
Mashed potatoes
Stuffin Muffin X1/2
Pasta, Sauce, Sausage
Cookie X1
Chocolates X3
Gravy

Ive been eating so much latley, just to appease my mom :[ I really dislike this. EWWW. Tomorrow I need to work on a powerpoint about sexual orientation discrimination in the work place. The group of people Im working on this with I never talk to, so its really awkward :/ I only need to do a few things about laws to stop it so it should be easy. MY NOSE IS BOTHERING ME SO DAMN MUCH ITS SO ITCHY!!!!! MAKE! IT! STOP!

Hahaha that was weird.(still itches though) I believe the superstition is have an itchy nose and youll kiss a fool. My nose has been itching like crazy ALL DAY so what? Im I gonna make out with a total fool? cause I have no problem with that ;D

Okay well Im gonna go catch up on all your blogs. BTW I love all of you <333

Black (out) Friday

No shopping today. I believe that waking up at 5Am to rush to a store and get beaten by other crazy people is pointless. Mostly because the deals arent that truly amazing at the places where I want to go... lol

Today was a mess. My Dad packed up and headed for Vermont for the weekend. Last night my Mom told him he was going to loose Gram like he lost his son Garrett. That...that was going a little to far :/ even if it had to be said. Grams coming home Monday, just for a week though... I dont know what to do with my family anymore. Ugh.

I spent just about all day on my couch sleeping. I had to sleep with my mom last night, cause my mom was worried I was going to run off and get eaten by wolves.(I know, I know) My Dad slept in another room last night. She woke me up at like 7AM. thats 7hrs of sleep. After a night like that?? soooo damn tired

Yesterday, I actually dont think I ate that much. (note the think part lol)
I had:
1small slice turkey
1spoonful mashed potatoes
1spoonful sweet potatoes
Gravy
corn? haha I dont really remember. It all added up to one paperplate full XD It was really nice to see Mr.Peace and his son. I met these two other boys, 14, and 17. The 17yrold was really cute ;] hes blond and green eyed, weight lifts, likes music, all around gooood. Ill probably see him again, in VT.

From the looks of my last post, I was really drunk last night :D

Today was icky. No hangover but it certainly wasnt pretty.
Mac and cheese
cookies
coffee
tea
coke
diet pepsi
mashed potatoes
meatloaf
gravy
Raspberries
jam
lettuce
cheese
bread
mayo

ughhh. SOOOO GROSSS. note that was in no particular order, its just how i remembered it haha. I hope I have anime club tomorrow. I want to see Marcus. :3 hes sooo cute! Maybe I can keep my food a little lower. HA. no Ill try.


Ive been reading all your blogs! And I love doing that <3

did I post that pic aleardy? im too lazy to go check

DAMN, im drunk

Im really drunk so excuse any errors, but im trying to be careful.
Gram IS coming home for a visit. YAY I cant wait
TODAY was awesome. so I helped my mom make pie and potatoes, it was fun. and then I got to Mr. Peaces. At first seeing Mr.Peaces son Tom was real awkward, mostly because I seriously disliked him during high school. But after the Manhattan(some sort of alcohol drink this parentheses should say what it is) It was less awkward. He was actually pretty cool! I had to stack wood for a fire and ended up cutting my hand D: there were 5guys making fun of me while I helped them stack wood. That is until my dad said "If you dont like it just leave" and I did. It was apperent silence after I did lol. But I have a nasty cut on my hand...

I dont care a bout food. I had tons of Manhattans and tons of Chanpange andh...

never mind. it sucks, my dad just called my mom a cunt.

well well, Mr. Turkey we meet again...

Thats how I feel today will be. like The turkeys 007 and Im Goldmember trying to destroy him...lol that was weird. I dont know Im gonna just let go a little today i guess. 104.5Lbs this morning. Plus Im gonna be doing a good thing today. One of our family friends is a paraplegic(has been almost all his like, hes really chill about though, making jokes etc) Anyway, he had an accident where he ended up in the hospital, parts of his hips had died either from somthing internal or from falling but they had to take the dead flesh out. Long story short Hes go 2 big holes in his side and he cant sit up for more then 30min a day. He wont be able to move for months and months. So were going over with a few other friends of his and having thanksgiving with him :]

update latterz!

btw thank you for all your kind comments they really help me when shit goes down <3

Less and Less

The less I talk/think/listen/associate with my parents the happier I am. Tomorrow Im gonna need to play nice, ya know. Pretend to be a perfect happy daughter whos in the perfect happy family. eww.
my mom didnt ask me what I ate, didnt weigh me...didnt care- so cool? lol

Today I ate:
Tea
Diet Pepsi
Iced tea
Egg+english muffin
Applesauce
coffee
Pizza slice
hot chocolate

Ugh Im really full. my stomachs all full of water, and I can hear in slosshhing around @__________@ Im all tired out :/ goodnight lovelies

Well that was pointless

I hope my mom doesnt read this anymore but here it goes...

first off I want to thank all of you for your support and kind words <3 they mean alot

second, I told my dad how I felt. I told him that Gram wasnt coming home. And he just said noo nope no no no, hes coming home friday! like...did he just completely forget his little freak out last night where he told him not to bother coming home? They want to know why hes depressed. But Gram doesnt have and answer, he just...doesnt. I talked to Gram, crying almost the entire time mind you, and he told me the past two months were the hardest thing to go through ever in his life. He was so unhappy he felt no drive to get out of bed, eat, or move at all. I know Gram wont go...hurting himself...but Im still worried for his mental health. I love my big brother so much and its killing me to see him like this. Im sorry girls im going to have to cut off here for just a little while...Ill update in a little bit. I cant even see the keyboard

They dont care about us

My parents dont care about me or Gram. They dont love us. They just care how much we cost. Thats all they are concerned about. If they loved Gram they would let him come home no questions asked, instead they freak out about him "wasting" $10,000 by leaving school for a semester. They arent concerned about the fact that hes clinically depressed. And let it be know that Im the only one in my family who has never been on anti-depressants, so depression is not uncommon in our family. They dont care that hes so depressed he willing left a school, and a city, and friends that I KNOW he loves with all his heart, to come to a home he hates.

My dad, as usual believes its a conspiracy, that the school just doesnt want a failing kid bringing down their average, and that the school doesnt want to deal with his problems, also making the school look bad. My moms response to grams Diagnosed Clinical Depression? get over it. Just get over it. get over it? He has obvious demons he needs to deal with and all they care about is how much money hes wasting. Wouldnt even buy him a plane ticket to NY for Thanksgiving. I cant stand that these....money grubbing monsters are my parents. I dont want them to be.

Im so broken, and I havent stopped crying for the past 45Min. My nose is raw from tissues, my eyes bloodshot, and my cheeks are tear stained. My head is throbbing. I hate it here, I hate it.

Fuck, my mom found this

My mom came upstairs and Told me I was looking "ill in my sickness" She then forced me onto a scale and I weighed 105.0 Shes making me gain 5Lbs. Making me. Im angry and scared. She told me to cut the bullshit. She told me she found this blog and how Ive been talking about skipping meals and starving etc. Im going to delete my Comp history on my other computer and then I might change the address to this blog but Ill keep you all updated

Just Because...

Just because someone is comfortable with their own body, does not give them the right to dress however they want. Just because an item of clothing is sold in a certain side, does not give someone the right to wear said item.



Case and point.
They are cute outfits...for a skinny person. Actually it kindof looks like she ate Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. And all of their friends. ;] -from the blog young Fat and Fabulous. looking for some good reverse-thinspo? head on over
http://www.youngfatandfabulous.com/

Today was pretty good,
2Diet Pepsis,
one coco Mallow(the chocolate covered marshmallows with the cookie)(80cal)
Water
and one gusher!
Meatball sub for dinner again, 2meatballs and a little bit of bread. I need to throw the the rest of my chips out before I devour them! I still feel gross from those :[ I deserve it though, taught me a lesson. No more chips!!! I want to weigh 105 again when my brother Gram gets home Friday! YAYAYAYAY

AHhhhh good times <3 Thanks for all of your support Girls <333 Stay thin!

Danger Days: Fuck yes.

My Chemical Romance's new album dropped today and I I must say, it is some of the best work they have ever done. If you dont like MCR I respect your opinion, but I dont want to hear it cause I love em ;]

Todays total consumption was:
Water
Diet Pepsi X2
Tea
Meatloaf (also very small)(275)
Egg noodles(220)
chips(300)
so 795? its alright :/

Most likely Im going to get some more tea soon. I gotta take a picture of it, I have this fancy Green and Gold cup that deserves to be held by the queen during afternoon tea. I feel like when I have a large clunky heavy mug I feel equally as large clunky and heavy... With my dainty and fragile tea cup and tea pot, I feel so much lighter smaller. weird? haha a little!

One more thing and I promise to stop rambling on, has anyone else read this article about the Nutrition Professor who lost 27Lbs eating only Twinkies and other junk foods proving its not quality but quantity? yea. Check it out <3

http://www.takepart.com/news/2010/11/08/nutrition-professor-drops-27-pounds-on-a-twinkie-diet



-------------------------------------------------------------------

okay about 15minutes after I posted this I just about finished the bag of Cape Cod Sea Salt& Vinegar chips :[ I feel so defeated. and fat. Ive spent the last Hour and a half Running 3.5Miles. Its the first time in months that Ive actually ran, so I feel really sick right now. I basically turned my bedroom into a sweat box; The heats turned up to 80degrees, im wearing sweatpants, a sweatshirt, a long sleeved shirt underneath, ski socks and a fleece hat. I've also chugged an entire bottle of water, and I have 2more that I need to finish before I go to bed. Boy, did I fuck up today. and all I can think is that im going to wake up and weigh 300Lbs D:

My Stomach Says Hello!

Its been grumbling all day :] in other words I have eaten a total of NOTHING! except for water and Life Sustaining Diet Pepsi ;] Im not sure whats for dinner just yet, but Im sure it wont be too bad... Today was odd, I was Eating lunch with my friend who just moved into town...rather I was watching her eat her lunch lol. She had gotten the schools tacos...they. Smelt. TERRIBLE! gahh. I actually thought about leaning over and just stealing a bite, but then the voice in my head said "NOooooo. Shes a Size XL, you want to be her? Dooo youuu?" The sound of a can of soda opening immediately followed.
I started talking to Chess again(Exboyfriend) I am 100% sure this time that I wont date him again. I just dont see how. I think that hes taking me just talking to him a little to seriously...last time I talked to him like this we got into a fight where I told him he ruined every chance of getting back together with me. Oh well, hes another douche-bag-boy. and there is a few other boys who like me, one of whom is like a stick figure @_____@

I need to weigh myself soon, but not when my parents are around they are already suspicious of my weight >.<

Thanks for all the support on my last couple posts! All your comments mean the world to me! <3 thankyouthankyouthankyou!!

Has anyone played the game Portal? its a tad nerdy but its by far the best puzzle game out there, thats where my picture comes from, also the phrase "the cakes a lie"

<33 stay thin girls I LOVE ALL OF YOUU

The people who inspire me

Most of these people are in some way or form friends, not good ones...but I know them. They go to my school and they are the ones who inspire me to continue to loose weight ;] btw get ready to meet the bitch in me


This was prom, we had gone into the city and she^ was the only one who couldnt find a dress cause hi-end stores only make up to about size 14. her second choice dress(pictures) did not look good.


Halloween. They didnt look that bad...but lets just say that tight was not made for them.


This one, used to be the little pixie in our group, shes about 4feet6in tall and at 100-104lbs she was very cute and small...cut to present day and she has ballooned up to 130. shes much smaller then me and weighs almost 3times as much.


Halloween again...costumes shouldnt be made plus side


She was trying to be a MCR killjoy for Halloween. Legging? no. Most chubby people work like mad on their hair...she does not, I actually dont think she showers. Shes also a pretty shitty friend who calls me a pig. ME. A PIG. I who never eats, was called a pig by her.


Shes really nice, but has intense weight problems. Shes my age. scary right?



I went on a trip to Europe with these girls. The one on the Far right looks pregnant when shes not sucking it in so much, she wore extremely short, small and tight clothes. It was not a pretty sight. Im proud of the one in the one-piece because shes the only one who realized what was appropriate. One on the far left with the stomach hanging over? that was hard to look at.

this is my real life reverse thinspo <3 it is these people who keep me going. Obviously it didnt work today. Meatball sub for dinner(only 2meatballs)I love posting on my blog Im sorry for spamming XD Ive spent all day going through thinspo. <3

before and afterish...

Thats me before and after...Theres no real shots of my body(or any that show me being the least bit chubby)only ones of my face, and I think the obvious loss of that double chin of mine is cause for celebration ;D oh and I just realized that first picture was taken around last saint Patricks day...so 8months ago :]

My mom complained that she bough mac and cheese and I never ate it, and that I never ate anything so in order to calm her down I made myself mac&cheese and ate it all >.< boy oh boy do I feel gross. My dad is making meatballs and spaghetti for dinner. Talk about a failure of a day @_____@ I dont want to do anything either. Im all worn out. I dont want school. I dont want the holidays. I dont want my parents. I dont want food! I guess Im feeling a little crushed at the moment. *sigh*

Thanks for your support you lovely girls <3

Frosty the Snow Man

I cant wait for it to snow. Im so impatient! Looking outside and seeing every delicate branch layered pure white fluff makes me so happy. The calmness that comes with it, the silence, the way little chunks of snow to heavy for their perches fall off and cut holes into he floor below them it just does something nothing else can! I cannnt waaaiiiittt!!!

On a separate note My BROTHERS COMING HOME!! I am so excited. I love my bro, we are probably the tightest siblings ever. We are seriously best friends and I look up to him and I value his opinion. He was actually the one who got me started on loosing weight(he went to college lost alot of weight and I refused to be the big sibling and lost weight also) Me and Gram, we blaze together, talk together, and are just awesome together. The only downside to him coming home is that hes returning because hes seriously depressed and is failing classes :[ I love my bro-ski Im sure we will be awesomely happy.

Its still early but Ive had coffee so far, and Im going to go have a pot of tea, riiiight after I take my adhd medication that suppresses my appetite :D Then Shower, and then no foood :] Ill update later girls!

I am absolutely loving reading all your blogs again and spent a good portion of last night catching up on the past couple weeks <3 Stay thin!!

Every ana's most feared day

Some get stresses for Christmas, others are shaken over New years, but for me(and im sure you all can agree) Thanksgiving is one of the scariest holidays there it. Its is the only mainstream Holiday I can think of completely dedicated to food, and eating. Yes there is the family gathering aspect of it, but thats true for all holidays. The big food day is the big fear day and the big weight day. When our bellies are full to bursting, what are we do?

At my house the big turkey day always start with getting that big old bird ready for its stop in the oven. Shortly following that pies of all kinds are whipped up and thrust in next to the bird. My job has always been to toast one or two loaves of bread, slather each piece with butter and shred them into the big wooden bowl that we have had since I can remember. The food doesn't there, sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top, apple pie, chocolate tart, cranberry sauce, gravy, asparagus, butternut squash soup, 2 different stuffings, Mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, bread, and to top it all off that succulent 8lb turkey. All that and possibly more are set atop the table, miraculousness it all fits on the table with the family.

The idea of passing on something is disgraceful. Only one piece of turkey? Its a travesty. No gravy? your sick. With all the family home its nearly impossible to call on Mia to clear your distended belly. By the time the feast is over its almost too late anyway. Its a day of eating, and eat we shall, lest we go under the scrutiny of all our relatives who will no doubt chatter behind our backs at the secret to our miraculous weight, or lack there of.

Guilt soon joins the emotional get together when sweet Grandma Ruthie looks at you through her horn rimmed glasses with those sweet old weathered eyes and asks why you've failed to try her world famous pecan pie. You try and sputter "Im full" but shes already holding out a piece for you in that shaky little old grandma way, and you give in.

Thanksgiving is comparable to torture for people like us. When our daily intake consists of no more then a couple bottles of water and a small meal to avoid suspicion around the house, one day of shear gluttony drives us close to madness. so what are we to do? what are we to do?

Tea with the Queen

Sipping Tea out of a fragile green and gold tea cup, snacking on popcorn, low cal soup, and chocolate wafers is what you would have seen if you were yo look into my living room this morning. Ive eaten quite alot so far, or at least it feels that way. At least 3pots of tea have gone through me today, making me very warm, happy and in dire need of a bathroom! All last night I craved spongebob Kraft Mac&Cheese. Its nearly impossible to resist that yellow orange goo that covers the oddly shaped pasta. Rather then eat that calorie catastrophe I opted for one cup of low calorie beef stew that was to die for. Having not taken my medication yet I was still hungry and proceeded to my kitchen to cook my own popcorn, just kernels, olive oil, and salt. No butter. No problem. When I had finished about half of that I threw it to the birds to pick at. After one more round of tea, I sprinted to my computer to find dome good thinspo to paste into my food journal.

My favorite kind of thinspo is ones that have pictures and words, they just please me. I was having a hard time finding that and created a bunch of my own, mashing fonts, pictures and quotes I had my thinspo(the picture above is something I did)

Im going to have more tea, because i dont put sugar and milk in it like I do with coffee. Ill update later <3 stay skinny

-------------------------------

So steak for dinner, I ate half of it :/ plus sweet potatoes and spinach. Im stuffed full food and feel sick as can be. Im also tearing myself apart with jealousy because my best friend is out with Chess tonight. I know I know Im over him(?)but old habits die really hard. He is under the name 'Forget' in my phone and it makes it easier to talk to him cause as far as I can tell im just talking to someone....not my Chess. When I see my friends talk to him in school I flare with anger, he hugs another girl and im seething with jealousy. Goddamn :[ Ill attempt to figure it out...

and a new season deserves a new background <3 what do you think?

18hours of hunger, 18hours of happiness

Im proud. very, very proud. Yesterday I had off from school, had breakfast(sandwich) and then decided I wasnt gonna eat. Liquids (all diet pepsi, cept for a few other drinks) Thursday consisted of Tv, smoking, and then really awkward anime club. I was really depressed because all that M. had at anime club(its a school club that we had at his house because we had no school) all he had to drink was regular Pepsi, Mountain Dew, and Orange soda. All there was to eat was chips, so I didnt have any. Anime club is basically an excuse to watch alot of tv and movies. It was awkward because M. kept sliding his hand further, and further down my thigh...till it was in my crotch...weeeeird. Anywho I got home and my parents had already eaten pizza and didnt ask if I had eaten at all :] so I went right to bed!

When I woke up today I had a very very small cup of some amazingly tasty, and unhealthy hotchocolate (peppermint hot chocolate from William Sonoma omg its heaven) two sodas, cigarettes, 1peice of pizza, and a half sandwich. Not to bad. OH and tea. lots of tea with a lemon.

Im not sure how much I weigh. Last time I checked I was 107.0 but that was a couple weeks ago and Ive been on a sortof binge. It feels great to blog again. :D

One of my best friends always complains(worries) about her sister cause she thinks an Ideal weight is 98lbs. She (according to MH. bulimic) and when she talks about it I sit there and nod my head agree all the way, say her sister is too thin and needs help. but honestly I want to pat her sister on the back and tell her about this underground community of proanas, I want to share with her how great I feel when I dont eat for almost 2 days. But I cant :[ My friend (MH) ex-boyfriend called me Anorexic and on the outside I was like "excuse me, I am not!" on the inside I was very pleased, cause that means Im thin!

ALRIGHT GOAL TIME:::

back to 104.0lbs or less

work on my writing skills

catch up on all your lovely blogs

read more books!!

fool me once...

So I told Chess I missed him. I missed talking to him and seeing him. I apologized for everything, how I acted etc. What does he do? Acts like an asshole that what. I was talking to him, like we use to talk. Like friends, thats the only way I know how to repair a friendship, to just talk and put things back to normal. He told me he missed me to, and also apologized for hurting me but I doubt he meant either His response to my apologizing, my I miss you's, my broken heart? "Look I dont know what your doing, you ignored me and now you act like nothing happened. You broke up with me isnt it the end of it? wtf are you doing" I told him I was regretting breaking up with him. I knew he missed me. I knew he loved me. But he always thought the worst of me, that I was going to cheat, that I was making fun of him. I presented a chance for him to show me that he actually cared about me, not who I was doing behind his back. I was trying to work things out with him the only way I knew. And he was an ass.

Fool me once shame on you
Fool me twice shame on me...

Adrienne needs a Cigarette