Coffee and Smokes and Cold Diet Cokes...

Thats what pretty girls are made of.

That has become my favorite thinspo quote of all time, because basically thats what Im made of. Today was really good. Spent all day high as a kite, and resisted all food. I drank an Arizona green tea, A diet Cherry Coke, and my parents made hamburgers. I ate it on a small piece of bread and a piece of cheese.

The weather was horrible today, which made going out for a smoke really unpleasant. We were cold and wet. Ugh. We went out later when the rain stopped and the fog rolled in. It was really pretty. Im extremely tired. I really need to stop staying up so late talking to Chess. We were supposed to go get a Cluckin Russian at the local deli after school, but I havent heard from him since around noon. So it was really good for me :]

Theres one girl at school who is really pissing me off. She prances around like shes some fucking skinny ass hipster. She acts like shes the hottest shit to hit the floor. Shes not skinny. Shes one of those girls who looks skinny when she sucks it in, but she cant suck in her thunder thighs, or her ample arms. And she sure as shit cant hide the fat in her fleshy face. Shes one of those people who posts pictures of herself in hopes shell be all over tumblr. It makes me sick. If youre not a skinny girl, dont act like a skinny girl, cause youre not a skinny girl.

By the way, I would kill for a body like this. I wish I looked like that. I mean flat stomach, not lumpy or bumpy, just perfect. 

Im going to be wearing a dress to school tomorrow with my Ying Megs :) I hope to hell I look good in it. I dont want to feel fat all day tomorrow. 

Intake today:

1 Arizona Iced tea (210)

1 hamburger (350)

1 Diet Cherry Coke (0)

1 Diet Pepsi (0)

Total:560 Calories today :D

Im going to smoke to celebrate my good day! I mean, I was going to blaze anyway but now I can be happy while I do! Im also doing crunches/situps till I puke. I will have great abs. I WILL HAVE GREAT ABS.

<33 I love all you girls!

This Week Will Be Good

At least for me. One of my best friends in the world, were Ying and Yang got arrested for shop lifting. :/  it sucks but at least shes not in jail. Tomorrow is going to be a weed-smoking day. Any way. Im double posting just to catch up so Im not always posting about yesterday.

Today was a great day. All I ate was 1 Arizona Iced Tea(270) and 1/2 a Chicken Pot Pie(325) for a grand total of 595calories. It was a 600 calorie day. Thats the best Ive done in weeks. I weighed myself after dinner, and it was 107.0Lbs considering the week that I had and all the terrible binging Ive thats not so bad. I probably weighed 105.0 last week Im going to try and stick to the liquid diet as best I can.

I have decided that I need to reach my goal by my Birthday in April, because Im going down to North Carolina for my Spring Break to see Gram. I cant wait. Its going to be sunny and warm and Im going to get tan and look amazing. I refuse to go down to a beach town looking like fucking Rosie O'Donnell. Its not going to happen.

Im pretty sure that were having Burgers for dinner tomorrow, and thats about 170calories not including bread and lettuce. How I like my burgers is one small piece of bread, and a piece of lettuce in place of top bun. Damn thinking about a nice juicy burger is making me hungry. But that just means Im doing really well.today. :D

What a Fucking Joke.

Yesterday I said, "My goal today is not to eat, or to eat as little as possible" Can you guess what happened? Can you? If you guessed "you ate a fucking ton" then youve just won the Million Calorie Prize.


Lunch wasnt so bad, I ate a quarter of my moms sandwich and one Iced tea. Then after my parents were all tuckered out from skiing we all hopped into the car and went to King Aurthur Flour, its a baking/cooking supplies type store. I couldnt help myself in there. I bought Pecan Pie filling and you know thats all sugar. I also bought toasted coconut scone mix. By the time we were done in King Aurthur it was dinner time and we found this amazing restaurant called the Tip Top Cafe. 

The Tip Top Cafe had some of the absolutely best food that I have eaten in a while. I just could not controle myself. Appetizer were perfectly cooked and seasoned crispy golden fries with a garlic sauce. For dinner I ate grilled duck, with sauted spinach and onions, over fried fingerling potatoes, all drizzled in a cranberry sauce. And lastly, Creme Brulee for dessert. Honestly. Could any of you have turned down such a meal for a small side salad? If you could, then you are a stronger person then I and thou art my hero.



I didnt eat at all until late at night when Harry broke out the Budweiser. I only drank 2...homw many calories is that? TO GOOGLE! Jesus Christ 145. that means in about 30 minutes I drank almost 300calories. I hooked up with Harry again rather then go smoke a cigarette, and now I want one sooo badly. I really dont like to drink. Id rather smoke. Theres no calories in smoke. 


Lest see the damage done.
1/4 sandwich
2 Arizona green tea
Fries+garlic sauce
Duck+spinach+onions+potatoes
Creme Brulee
2 Beer
1 Diet Pepsi
Its not the quantity of food that go me yesterday(although dinner was huge-o-mudo) it was that all the food I ate was really high in calories. Damn. Today is looking up at least. Ive only had 1/2 and Arizona Iced Tea(135) and I think Im having half a Chicken Pot Pie for dinner maybe 350 calories? nice. so about 575calories today :D


 Im going to try doing the liquid fast. Im not sure how strictly Ill be able to follow it though. I have to eat dinner with my parents almost every night! But I will participate to the best of my ability! <33 


Thin Dreams Girls <3

Does That Make Me a Slut?...a Fat Slut?

Alright. So last night. After a few beers, I snuggled up with this super cute boy :] Hes real nice, 20, and lives in NJ. I didn't feel guilty about hooking up with him, probably because I was drunk hahaha. I always forget how nice boy-kisses are...mmmmm boy-kisses....We ended up staying awake till 4:30am...well at least he did, I fell asleep with my head on his chest. Needless to say waking up a 7:00am this morning was not  a pleasant experience. I had a slight hangover, and was so tired I could barley walk. But last night was still nice :]

Yesterday turned into a terrible terrible terrible terrible food fest. I drank 3different Arizona Iced Teas( green tea, Iced tea, and Arnold Palmer iced tea) I dont even want to begin thinking about the calories in that. Fuck. Lunch was quesodillas, and holy crap they were delicious. Cheesy, chicken-y, gooey, yummy goodness. About 300calories. Honestly if that was the only thing I had eaten I wouldve been so happy. We had raviolis in red sauce for dinner, I thought I was going to be sick. I had to eat 8 of them and good Lord it was a battle to keep putting those in my face. After that ordeal was over my Mom pops into the room where Im sleeping with a bowl of Ice Cream covered in butterscotch and cherries. Yes. I ate it. Yes, I regret it. Yes I am ashamed of my weak constitution. ew.

My goal today is not to eat, or to eat as little as possible. I skipped breakfast, mostly due to the hangover. I have 2 Iced teas waiting for me so one of those is lunch and another is after dinner snack. yea. Now let see if I can stick to this plan...

Since my last post Ive eaten:
Raviolis
Arizona Iced Tea
Arnold Palmer Iced Tea
Butterscotch Ice Cream Sundae
3beers
diet Pepsi
Quesodilla
Grilled Cheese
And if I ate anything else I really dont remember >.<

I cant wait to go home tomorrow. 4hr car ride? no problem. Creepy fat dude sitting across from me at the ski lodge? problem. Same creepy dude talking to me? bigger problem.

<33

That Was a Close Call

I have no idea whats going on with my stomach. I think I might have developed lactose intolerance. My stomach is fucked up. I was sitting at the ski lodge, and I had to run to the bathroom 2flights of stairs down, and I barley made it. My stomach hurts and is grumbly. It could be the almost raw egg I had for breakfast, ew. Thinking about that egg made me want to puuuke.

Alright kids. Gather round the campfire, Adrienne has a story for you. Last time I was in Vermont there were at least 10 people staying in the house. One of those people was the grandson of the owner of the house. His name is Sean and he was 21. I smoked a ton of weed with him, skied with him, and hooked up with him. Hes hot. Tattoos, ears gauge, and totally sexy in that grimy bad boy sortof way. Now that I want Chess, I never want to see Sean again because...well...if he comes to Vermont then I will with out a doubt hook up with him again. I though I as home free this weekend. You see, if Chess and I start dating again next time I see Sean I can say "oh I have a boyfriend" and then I wont hookup with him, But I cant go saying I have one when I dont. Nor can I say no to that sexy sexy face. Hes also an incredible kisser. Gah.

Alright. Last night was alos a fail. I ate a disgusting ammount of hummus, and like 3 huge spoonfulls of butterscotch topping for icecream.

Heres what I stuffed down my throat since my last post.
Steak(250)
Asparagus(15)
Broccoli(30)
Potatoes(200)
Butterscotch(120)
Diet Pepsi(0)
Hummus(100)
Chips(300)
Egg(100)
Bacon(36)
Arizona Green Tea(210)
Hot Fudge(130)
Whipped Cream(65)
=1556calories. Kill me
Ugh. Having my period is not making my stomach feel any better.

Here I Am in Vermont

Yesterday sucked. About halfway through the drive home my dad pulls off to go to McDonalds for dinner. Ugh. I still feel sick just thinking about it. I ordered the 3piece chicken selects and my Mom ordered the 5piece and gave me one so that we would each have 4pieces of chicken. I also got a small fries with it. Ew. I felt so sick and i still do. Just that pungent smell of McDonalds is really difficult to get over. I only managed to eat 3selects before I felt stuffed. Ew. At least I had a diet Pepsi :/

Then this morning after a horrible nights sleep(I slept next to a wood burning stove and it was so hot I couldn't fall asleep till at least 3am. Ugh. Anyway I woke up and just as I thought, my Dad made a huge breakfast. Eggs, Sausage, and Toast drenched in butter. I could even finish the eggs and toast. Way to much butter. I didn't ski today, although my parents are. I would rather work on my math homework then ski today.

What I ate...
3piece chicken selects 400
Small french fries 230
Diet Pepsi 0
2eggs(200)
toast (???)
Coffee (50)
Sausage(???)

And tonight Im pretty sure were having a big dinner :/ potatoes, meat, the whole 9 yards. God I feel sick.

>.< Thin dreams <3

I Guess the World Just Likes to Fuck With Me.

For some unexplainable, evil, horrible reason everytime I go to Vermont I get my period. When my period comes my body just decides 'well one things fucked, might as well let the rest go to hell' My face and chest broke out so now I look like some middle schooler going through puberty. Im bloated so now all my jeans are tight so I look like a sausage. If there is one good thing about VT its that noone has to see me like this...hopefully the 21year old I hooked up with isnt at the house this weekend...

I had 2 sips of coffee for breakfast. Breakfast in VT is going to be annoying. every morning my dad makes eggs and bacon, and toast, with orange juice, and coffee. So much food. So Im just going to not eat breakfast. I wont have to eat lunch, I mean my parents wont notice cause they will be busy skiing. Hopefully by the time we return form the freezing cold northern state, my face will have cleared up a bit, my period will have stopped completely and I will have lost at least a pound or two. 

Ive been talking to Chess every night, up till midnight maybe 1am just talking to him about everything :] Its really nice. lol my Dad told me to stay away from him. As if!

Alright I need to pack. 4days. I can do this. <33 Ill try and update whenever I can! and I cant wait to get back and read all about your progress!!

Alright that^ was my first friend when I moved to my current town in 2nd grade. She has since moved to CA, thinned up, gotten perfect skin, perfect body, and is basically how I wished I looked. :/

Thin dreams!

Im Going to Vermont Tonight, Ill Leave You With an Inspirational Story About Kelly.

I have a friend. Her name is Kelly.

 She is really fat. She always smells terrible, and honestly I dont think she has ever shaved her legs. Her clothing style consists of everything thats too small for her, hand-me-downs from her tall thin sisters, anything emo/punk, and all her pants are too small leading to the horrifying  phenomenon known as 'plumbers crack'  

 Shes going to prom this year. I  dont think its in this dress...I hope shes not. But I have been told what her prom dress looks like. it looks like mine from last year. Except in daffodil yellow...here let me make this easier.  Thats me in my dress. 

Now imagine that dress in bright yellow stretched across Kellys pale flabby skin? 

Scary huh? lol 

One of the most unfortunate things about her is that shes the last kid in her family, the youngest. Shes also the fattest. Those are 2 of her sisters, all of her family got her mothers genes(tall thin etc) except for Kelly...

You would think that as the black sheep of her family she would try and make an effort with her weight.

Nope Kelly works at Dunkin Doughnuts where she eats hundreds of calories everyday. 

Dont be Kelly girls. 

Funerals are weird

So I went to my great uncle Kens funeral today. He was an amazing man RIP. Ive never been to a funeral(even with all the deaths in previous years)Ive never had to go. So because Im part of the closest family to him we had to sit up front so I ended up shaking like 30 peoples hands. Anyway I walk into the church and Im standing in the pews a minute when I look over and theres a big cloth covering a box and I realize 'oh my god, hes in that box' it was weeeeiird. I also had to um receive the host(?) Ive never gone to church or done that. Im Lutheran but Im not practicing. Do those crackers and wine have calories? It was like eating a foam disk....

After the funeral the family went to lunch at this amazing but totally fattening Italian restaurant. The Priest and his wife came along, and they sat across from me. Now obviously I am not religious at all so sitting across from them would mean I would have to talk alot of religion. And I did. And it was obnoxious.

Anyway I ate:
1 wafer+sip of wine
1 medium dunkinchino
1/4huge bowl fettuccine Alfredo (that I might eat now...)
2 bites mozerella
and coffee

I might be high. Im only comfortable eating when Im high. Ive gotten used to the munchies so they only get me on occasion but earlier when I was at the restaurant I ate like 3 bites. Now? I want to eat some of it, it was delicious. ahh.

Im talking to Chess constantly hes such a goof :3

Think thin ladies. Thank God Im not fat. I cant wait to be thinner. 105.5 today :|

I WANT MOTHERFUCKING SPRINGTIME. hence the new theme

Cigarettes, Arnold Palmer, and Weeeeeeed

Okay so I dont know if I told you all this but I was grounded on Saturday because of my basically failing grade in Govt. class. And we are currently on break. We were supposed to go to Vermont this weekend but my great uncle Ken died. I didnt know him that well but he was a cool dude. Fought in WWII. So anyway. My Uncle came up for the funeral and I didnt want to go to the wake so I stayed home.

Heres where it gets fun. As soon as my parents left my best friend and basically my other half Megan picked me up. We went out got cigarettes, and I got a 'lite' Arnold Palmer Iced Tea then we went out to meet Megan's boyfriend and boy oh boy we smoked a fat blunt. Got home, and now am waiting for my parents to get home. My Dad gave me $20 for dinner, with that I got a pack of Marb reds, and threw in for a nice blunt. Got $5 for change. Im going to tell him I got a Cluckin Russian, the Iced Tea, and maybe a cupcake :]

I make such good plans.

Heres what I ate today.
Water(0)
Coffee(25)
Iced tea(150)
cigarettes (0)

Oh and I got Chess to come to my house(just turn around in my driveway) so that I could hear/see his car that he is so proud of lol hes silly. Im so tired though we were up till like2am talking on the phone :]

I also need to get up at like 7am tomorrow to go to the mass then lunch for ken. Should be well dont really want to say fun but whatever

Thin Dreams <3
p.s. I dont know who posted that originally but thanks lol

Hey. You should read this post. Its about the worst 2 weeks ever.

lol jk. Im high. but thats not the point. The point is Im fat. 107.0Lbs. I went to the doctor a few days ago for my regular physical. I had been drinking alot of water that day and when the nurse asked me what I though I would weigh I called it perfectly. 107.0lbs. Ew. muther fucking ew. Ive seen my self in the mirror and its not nice.....

I should really start from the beginning.
Alright. So it started with Chess. His birthday is on Valentines day. It was the perfect excuse to make him his favorite cake(cheese cake) and give him it :] It was going to be perfect. But its also my Dads favorite cake, and he was really upset when he found out that it wasnt for him(I couldnt tell him who its really for, he hasnt liked Chess since we broke up) So I ended up giving chess one really big piece instead of the whole cake, and the rest was for my family. So I had this huge home made delicious Cheesecake and I ate at least 1/2 of that cake. No joke.

My mom also made Creme brulee, so there were nights I was eating both at the same time. I was eating them for breakfast lunch and dinner. I was also making myself Grilled Cheeses every other meal. And all the snacking I did.

AND THE PLAY! I had the Drama play and because we were staying late to work on that I was eating lots of unhealthy foods. At the after party I went downstairs to get a snack(I was really really high so I was eating allllooott) Marcus's(we were at his house for the party and I was supposed to sleep over) mother said "yes eat! Adrienne eat! you are too thin" then Mr. Krass(drama club director) said "yes she go very thin" Im like WTF?? all the adults were commenting on my weight!! UGH

TL;DR I ate alot of food. Super fat. Ewewew

I have a plan!

plan for tonight?
Get high. Eat food. Feel bad.

wow...I cant believe I got my heart broken

yes this post is about Chess. If you want to skip the whining then skip to the 3rd paragraph...
I really have only ever had 3people I am truly emotionally attached to, ya know mom, dad and Gram. I mean...my friends are important to me but they are going to leave eventually, so in my head they arent permanent. Ive never had permanent friends, I moved around so much when I was little I learned that you have to say goodbye to people and thats the end of it.

I've always sortof prided myself on the fact that I could move on so quickly from fights and people or whatever. I know this is my like 15th whiny post about this kid but this is the only place that I can talk to...anyway...I only really new this kid for about 7months! and somehow he worked his way into my head and changed me. When I see him in the hallways I know I should be with him but Im not cause I fucked it up. And all that bullshit about flaws are what make him blah blah blah. Fuck his flaws, they are still going to annoy the fuck out of me. But I know now how happy he made me :[ after its way to late...


Alright to I wore my easytone sneakers to school and people were like WTF?? I mean...theyre just sneakers. But we had Play Practice today and I tried to walk as much as possible back stage. My legs are all numb cause I stood for about 5hrs straight. I really didnt eat much today at all.

1 1/2 cups Chili
1/2 sandwich(bread, balsamic, chicken cutlet, provolone cheese)
2 diet pepsi

That is it :D It was homemade Chili so it was healthier then usual. Tomatoes, beef, celery, onions, beans. Gooood stuff. The sandwich was the second half to my friends sandwich, she offered it to me and well I wanted it. plus it was the small half. well when Im upset I dont want to eat much.

BTW by black eye got 1000X worse hahah it got alot darker. Thanks too! Oh and I love to hug my mom, were a really huggy family. It always makes me feel better to get a hug from my momma :D

Black eye..

So I gave myself a black eye...the picture made it really lite and its gotten alot worse over night. lol I think its kindof funny Im not going to cover it up wither ;]

My parents are really oblivious to how little I eat. They ask me everyday if Im gonna eat lunch and I say "nah not right now" and they just assume I eat. haha what a joke. I can however feel my mom purposely rubbing my ribs to see how skinny I am I weighed 103.0 today :D and I feel pretty good. I played on my wii fit for an hour or so (mostly jogging)

Ive been trying to talk to Chess more and more understandably he doesnt really talk to me but :/ sigh Im sure this will all work out :[

think thin girls