What a waste of a Day...

Well I did pretty good as far as food went today. Gram and I went to a local deli, and both got Vitamin Waters(150cals) We were supposed to have lots do today. We had a whole list of things, but somehow we wasted about 4 hours, an hour of that was stuck in traffic and lost. We ended up going to Starbucks, Borders, gym equipment store, gas station, and a music store. After 3hrs of driving around to those places, the only thing we had to show for all that was coffees, and a guitar strap for a friend. Ugh. It was such a waste of a day!

to top it all off, my friend totally bailed on me and my brother so now Im stuck at home till Gram gets home from his friends house. I got a brand new pipe today, its so cute and whistles...I just dont know what to name it. We were gonna blaze but nooooooo. Oh well, were gonna do that later anyway.

So my food today:
Vitamin Water
Water
Diet Pepsi
Vanilla Latte
Ham
Potatoes
Broccoli
Water

So not much eaten. Im really really tired though. I havent gotten any sleep in the past couple days. Im so sorry Im out of energy.

...And then I got High

Okay Vermont was really hard. No joke! My parents made me eat every morning, and lunch, and dinner. EW. I did about half the skiing I normally do, I just wanted to sleep and read. There were other families in the house we were staying in, and I dont like any of them. Vermont is hell. Theres no Cell service, or WiFi, or people. It sucks.

We were supposed to come home on thursday, but Gram and I convinced my dad to come home a day early. It was the longest 4 hours of my life. SHIT! We finally hot home and within moments of unpacking the car me and my brother were out the door with a nice blunt. I was going to do so much, blog, catch up, eat LIGHTLY, do laundry, get cleaned up, etc. But nope. We got home at 11:45Pm still blazed, and I got a little drunk.

So all plans bashed I did the most stupid thing I have ever done. High, with munchies, I went to MCDONALDS. I got a angus beef snack rap, large fries, diet pepsi, and a 5 piece crispy chicken strips all with mayo, catsup, and honey mustard.

Long story short: my stomach is fat and in pain, I really need to pee but Im way to tired to, and my nose is annoying me.

<3

One thing I relized from the book mentioned in my last post is weight lies. It fluctuates like crazy. Why do we get so worked up about it? Its natural to go up and down! Im going to start using much more accturate mesurments(besides weight) and thats Total Inches(TI) thats circumfrence of upper arms(mid bicep) waist, hips, and both legs mid thigh. Added all together is the TI. Wheb this changes, its a real change not a daily fluctuation :) I cant wait to get home now

Hello beautifuls! Im sorry I went AWOL, I was in VT...still in vt actually. Ive been reading this amazing book called 4hour Body by Timothy Ferriss. It sounds like a gimick I know but its a real eye opener as to the myths of weight loss and how easy it it. Im actually going to try some of his programs and Ill tell yall how it goes. The first thing Im trying it his routine for the perfect ass. And all it requires is a Kettle ball. You swing it between your legs then swinging it up to shoulder height for 20min 2twice a week, and in 4weeks...perfect ass. Im hoping to hell it works. Also....the holidays made me really fat. :( like...im...chubby and I barley fit into the clothes I got for Christmas. Fuck.
Ill be home tomorrow to clean up my post :(

The Holidays are not an Excuse.

This story starts way back at around 9:00Pm last night. Me and Gram got so high and went to see Tron. The acting was 100%shit but everything else was amazing. Especially Daft Punk. Wow. I was in the theater with a whole bunch of annoying hipsters. hahaha. We ended up getting home at around 1:00Am Christmas morning, and went to bed at 2:00Am and then I woke up at 8:00am...in other words-To damn early. My parents and I waited around till 9:00am to open presents. I got an amazingly warn fur aviator hat, a ring, starbucks card, money, some tea, games for the Wii, and $345 worth of clothes from PacSun. Needless to say the day started out pretty fucking good.

So at this point Im a bit tired but really excited about my gifts and etc, so its all good. My brother and I decided its time for a blunt, and leave. Now we have some pretty Dank weed on us, some real sour Sour Diesel. We roll that up and cruise for a good couple hours, and maaaan. It was good. Really good. We got home and...and...

I totally ate a whole bag of fucking Doritoes. Cool Ranch too. Then I did nothing. I had some alcohol+heavy ceram, fuck that. Then I had Champagne, double fuck that. I ate a huge piece of beef +mashed potatoes +asparagus and holy fucking shit, Im full. To the point where I dont want to move let alone live.

AND I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF ITS THE HOLIDAYS.
I can not use that as an excuse anymore for eating badly. Even if it is the holidays its not worth the work Im going to need to do to work it all off. And I will look like SHIT in all my new clothes. Im a size 3 skinny jeans. Im a size 14 after a day like today. Ew just fucking ew.

This is disgusting.

FUCK. Im going to Vermont tomorrow also. and noone wants to. I fucking hate VT. There is less to do there then there is here. And Skiing is no exercise whatsoever. Im moving but its not work for me. Im so goddamn pissed off about goin g up to this fucking cabin in the woods. <3

Merry Christmas.

And It Was All Going So WELL!

Grams coming home today andI just cant wait!!

Stayed home today and did maybe two things on that list X.X BUT I ate almost nothing and even burned a couple hundred calories with the Wii fit! I woke up, cigg, TV, Wii, Cigg, Tv, Internet, cigg, Shower, Put Thinspo in journal, Tv, and Back to the Internet. As you can tell. My day has not been exciting at all.

Now heres where it all went wrong...
Somewhere in between shower and Thinspo...I decided to make Garlic bread...Like straight up butter and garlic on toast. And I ate it and boy oh boy I feel sick. I was going to make an omlette to go with it but instead threw the 2nd piece of bread out into the woods for the animals to eat then I marched upstairs and started printing out pictures for my journal. It was tough man.

Other then that...I had tea and 1/4 a cup of coffee.

I know for a fact were going to be eating a BIG steak dinner with the works. I am not excited for this at all. Not one smidgen.

Ill update later lovelies. <3

I Am Going To Rip My Skin Off

Daaaaaaaamn look at those collar bones!


Everything. Everything. Everything itches. No idea wtf is happening but I took a shower and scrubbed/boiled a good layer of skin off, its better then before but still itchy, my backs the worst, legs then stomach. Im loosing my damn mind here.

So today was an amazing fail. It began going downhill with Secret Santa, she gave me Crepe mix, fig almond jelly, and Chocolate that made me sick :[ it wasnt that tasty either. blech. However I managed to avoid the trap of candy canes and sweets all day. I didnt even eat cookies today! But I still ate alot :/


INTAKE:
1/4cup hot chocolate
1piece peppermint bark
1 piece quiche
Sandwich(roast beef, Rye, Chedder, spinach, onion, mayo)
Diet Pepsi
Water
Grapes
Coffee

Im actually excited for Christmas now that I know Im getting a bunch of presents! I know Im getting a real warm Aviator/bomber hat, a couple of Wii games, and Friday my Mommy is taking me shopping for some clothes and I cant wait!! I actually like clothes shopping, I dont like my mom looking at me and trying to determine how much I weigh. I cannot believe how close we are to that merry day!

To make me even happier, Tomorrow I have no school(well its a half day but Im skipping) I get to sleep in, have a cigarette and coffee, watch movies, and relax all day. Maybe Ill work on my AP art concentration, or paint my nails. I need a plan so that Im not munch-munch-munchin all day

Coffee + smoke
Shower
Blow dry/Straighten hair
Paint Nails Red
Watch a Funny Movie/Catch up on Blogs <3
Clean Grams room up
Clean up Computers
Print Lots of Thinspo!

That should keep me occupied all day :] <33

Holy Balls Man

Thats my friend! She didnt do it through exercise. Stress is making her throw up, and she cant keep food down and hasnt been able to do for over a Month! Shes sick...but nonetheless shes lost an amazing amount of weight. In earlier posts shes been some of my best thinspo ;] isnt that amazing?

"why arent you eating?" :] Cute little lunch aid with a little jersy accent
"Im not hungry!" :D Chubbster me
"When do you eat?" Aid
"At least once a day!" Chubbster
"suuuSPICIOUS" aid

Now I love that lunch aid, shes the sweetest woman in the world and was actually kidding with me, but it totally put me on edge. So I ate a carrot and it was nasty :[ it wasnt skinned so it had a gross taste to it. I didnt eat that much today but Im really tired. Balls man. Ive been running around all day. I walked down to the Deli at least twice today. AND IT WAS WINDY. so damn windy. So after a windy walk, I had Drama club and I ran around there some more. I spent a good hour or two catching up with my college friend and that was nice, were going Christmas shopping tomorrow :]

So I ate today:
Carrot
Grande Vanilla latte
Scalloped potatoes
Steak
Cauliflower
Water
Diet Pepsi

Chess wouldnt answer me today :[ and I cant even bear to look at my phone. Goddamn, Im fucking pathetic. I had to explain to my college friend why I broke up with him and they all still apply but like :/ I just miss him so much. Seriously. I cant even begin to state my distaste for Kelsey (the Lumpy Bad Tan line Photo Girl YOU MADE ME LOL SO HARD WITH THAT BTW) I see her. Or him. Or both. And I want to cry, and scream, and in the pit of my stomach theres just burning.

99.9% of the time Im very even tempered. I dont get mad easily, Im generally happy, and Im not that jealous of a person, but this...boy is just killing me. I want to curl up on his lap and cry and cry and cry.

Okay. hahah lets stop before I cry right?

I did just text him and ask him if he wants me to stop talking to him...I really hope with all my heart he doesnt say yes. That would break my heart...kill me.

He answered me :]

Damn-it Daft Punk.

I was told that one day I would go into a Daft Punk phase and it happened! Im both annoyed and excited, its the only thing that Im listening to haha :]

Today wasnt bad at all, in fact its been downright good!...food wise anyway. My hair was static as hell all day and annoyed me, I forgot to wear a belt in a rush to get out of the house in time for the bus, I forgot eyeliner, and I looked like shit @_______________@

But what Ive eaten is:
Coffee X2
Diet Pepsi
cookie X1

Im sure dinner will be somewhat bad for me but Ill go for the least amount of food possible without being suspicious. Oh and I finally got some smokes! It feels good man. hahaha :] School was boring as hell, still talking to Chess and oh balls do I get jealous when Kelsey sits next to him. X[ I mean I know its childish and all, but you know...I cant help it. Plus it worries me a little cause she looks like this:

Obviously the middle girl.

BUT Chess likes boobs, and shes got well no chest whatsoever hahaha, and shes also pretty dumb. and yet I still get jealous X.X Oh and thats the same girl whos fucking with my project group thing...

alright. To do.
Shower
Fix my hair from static
Not eat
Dance

OH and if anyones looking for some dancing and moving get some Daft Punk goin ;]

Im sure I broke a Word Record...

Well. I. Feel. Disgusting. Totally gross and unworthy of any food whatsoever. Yall wanna know what I ate? Lets see if theres enough room...

Kraft Mac and Cheese
Coffee X3
Cookies X9
Tea X2
Rice
Chicken curry
Water
Cookie Dough
Peppermint Bark
Diet Pepsi X2
Roast Beef Sandwich
Left over Gnocci
Icing
Asparagus
Iced Tea

Thats so much fucking food. I cant even believe that one human can eat that much in one day and its only 7pm I swear I broke some record for most eaten in a day. FUCK MY LIFE. I even cut my finger trying to open the leftovers from last night, I guess I deserve it. I shouldnt have eaten 99% of that shit. ewewewewew.

The time I spent not eating, I was organizing my thinspo on my USB, finding new Thinspo, and creating paper mache heads for the Drama Club play. Im actually beginning to have a respectable collection of thinspo in my little USB :] right now its organiazed by Before and afters, In my journal, and Not in my journal. I need one good day alone to print out a bunch of thinspo and put it into my little food journal. :] Going through all of that only made me feel fatter though...

OH EW EW EW, want to know what grossed me out today? I made the mistake of looking up fat, which led me to some Fat Fetish website. There was nothing to pornographically bad on there, but it might as well have been a Saw movie. It was horrible. It made me want to die. People think thats beautiful? THEY THINK THATS SEXY? FUCKING EW. MOTHERFUCKING EW

Heather: My ADHD meds do basically that, I have 0 appetite when I take my full dose. I really dislike going out to dinner cause your at a table all looking at eachother, so they know when you dont eat, or your not eating alot :/ its really annnnoooyyyiiinngg

<3

Italian Food, Why You So Bad For Me?

So I went to dinner with the Family, and it was a really great Italian food. First up was Fried Calamari, then came a chop salad with cucumber, tomato, peppers and lettuce...all of which I dislike except for lettuce, I was ordered for by my parents who got me Gnocchi's in a veal ragu. It was so amazingly delicious, but I was stuffed before I even got to the gnoccis. Then or course came dessert, ice cream and cappuccinos and my Dad got me some amaretto. All in all, I ate a ton of food. Way to much food.

My dad didnt say anything about my legs! Or even about my weight! It was pretty nice :] Ariana you were totally right about caffeine X.X I had to pee all before during and after dinner! I had coffee and diet pepsi before we left haha not my best idea!

Oh and my lungs hurt :[ like a cat has just crawled around in there (alllleeerrgic) so theres all sorts of phlegm in my lungs that feel all heavy in my chest. ugh.

<33 love you

F-F-F-Family Dinner

Tonight Im going out to dinner with who I though was my Great Aunt Josepha and Great Uncle Ken, but are actually cousins? I dont really know @___@ I've never had to go to their Christmas party before because I'm really allergic to cat(asthma, itchy, and my eyes swell and water) And they have 3cats at the house. However this year not enough people for the party, and they are way too old to do it. Im really nervous that my Dads gonna be calling my legs too skinny all night :[ but Im not allowed to wear jeans...and I dont own any other "winter" dressy outfit...I though I would be home free cause my Uncle was coming and he would distract my Dad cause they would be catching up and all that, but he just called and said he wasnt coming cause he couldnt get on the plane or it was delayed or I really dont know. What I do know is, my Dads gonna want to weigh me.

16Oz=1Pint=1Pound. I need to drink a ton of water just incase they decide to weigh me. lol Im gonna need to pee soo bad! but I have 32Oz of Iced-Tea so Ive got 2Lbs on me :]

Desperation, Popcorn, Cajun Fries. Can You Imagine My Day?

Ugh. Well. Today started out pretty good. I had a two coffees, milk and a little sugar. I didn't play gym today, and I had water and a Diet Pepsi. Then...shit just started to hit the fan. Im working on a project with 3other girls. One decided to go ahead and basically do the project (badly mind you) So me and the other two group members re-did the project. Now the one girl has decided to go tell the teachers we didnt help at all and are fucking with her and is trying to give us 0 credit on the project...that we worked on...Fuck...

So after that kur-fuffle I went to see the movie Tangled with my very...um...large friend Anna...God I think about weight too much...ANY WHO I got a free soda because of one very nice man, it was a Diet Pepsi :D and then I got a small popcorn...I handed it to Anna who poured a gallon of butter on it. It was soooooo bad. I was getting nauseous just holding it.

So by the end of that totally adorable movie I was thinking "I completely ruined my intake for the day. Im gonna skip dinner and Ill be alright" HAHA nope, my Dad picked me and my friend up and took us to the cause of obesity, the Burger joint, 5 Guys. Me and Anna split a small fries...but those are still huge. So when I came home I had cookies, God only knows why.

So heres the desperation part. Ive been generally upset lately and I just need someone who I know and I trust...and long story short Ive been talking to Chess. Nothing serious but you know Im feeling shitty when I start talking to him :[ I just dont know anymore.

Fuck my life.

Fuck You Snickers

TOTALLY CAVED. Ate 1/2 the Cliff Bar, and 1/4 the Snickers bar...I made my friends eat the rest :P

SO I was a huge creep today and took pictures of a couple of people in my school, why? Cause they are fat! hahaha Im terrible :D Today, was rough. Not bad, mind you just...tough. No smokes today D: I had Subs in 4Classes and they weren't even good subs.

Fuck. I just realized. I made fish, from the book Rainbow Fish, like I made them big for some kids play took me 2hours to make them right. And I forgot them, in the lobby of my school. I really hope noone threw them away. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Oh well. Over it. Hahaha Ill just....make em again. Fuck. ANYWAY pizza for dinner, yummy. Could be worse? could be a ball of lard...Im gonna eat like 2 pieces, just to please my parents. Im tired of them complaining.

So today:
1/2Cliffbar (125)
1/4Snickers (70)
Pizza(ALOT)
Dunkin-cappuccino (also alot)
Diet Pepsi (0)
Pretzel (?)

Today was a bad calorie counting day. I have nooooo idea what anything was. GAH I hate that. Like a ballpark guess is good enough for me, but I hate eating something without knowing whats sortof in it...

OH AND I deleted the thinspo blog because I actually figured out how to put a second page on here and Im gonna put all my pictures there Soooo check the top, its right above the fish!

Heather: Damn police! Normally I use one of my friends bowls, or like you said soda can. But I used to be much more creative, I made my own waterbong outof a waterbottle, or pipe out of tinfoil hahaha

What the Fuck Was I Thinking?

I feel so uncomfortable posting in public, Im at the Library in school now and I dont want people looking at this...ewewewewew NERVOUS

So once again I feel for the evil ladys PTO tables cheap snacks, ended up with a Snickers and a Cliff Bar. About 250Cal for each. I havent eaten them yet, but I am gonna be here till 5. UGH nope. No excuses. I also had Coffee, and a Diet Pepsi today. So...around 50 calories SO FAR, its 2:00 now so I still have time to fuck up...

This is makeing me feel so weird. Im going to just wait till later to talk more. Im freaking the fuck out.

Drama Club, Popcorn, Red Lips and Total Envy!

Ok I totally Jacked these pics from Determined-Girl (http://taste-thin.blogspot.com/) Cause These were just too pretty to not repost! My only wish is to look that cool, sexy, amazing and totally skinny. Im about to go into a jealous rage right now!! :D

So I am officially the Stage Manager of the schools Drama club play this year!!! I love doing back stage crew, its such a work out with all the stuff I end up doing, like moving tables and chairs and all sorts of heavy lifting, running around backstage I love it! Ive been staying after till 5pm everyday (school ends at 2:10) and its only gonna get later! :3 Oh were Doing a HILARIOUS play called The Complete Works of William Shakespeare Abridged It was made for 3 people but were stretching it for 14. Im super excited about this.

Oh and Ive begun a very strange game of "tag". Its me putting on bright red lipstick and then kissing people when they aren't looking so they have a big kiss on them :D Its really fun!

Food-wise today was alright. The Parent-Teacher-Organization has a booth set up every day after school selling Pizza, Popcorn, Candy Bars, fruit snacks, Soda...basically its 3 tables of cheap unhealthy garbage. (Thank you Ariana for looking up the Calories in Fruit by the foot!!) Today I bought a water, and a bag of popcorn, ate 15pieces at the most and gave the rest away :] It made me really happy to give that crap away.

So intake?
2Diet Pepsi (Im addicted at least 2 everyday)
Popcorn (not alot)
2 hotdogs (500cal with bread)
Tea (0)

Ariana: Ive told my Dad hes fat a bunch of times (hes borderline obese, thats what his Dr. Says) And he doesn't care! He doesn't care about his weight!! Ugh it makes me soooo mad!

Rachael: Lucky! I want more snow soo badly!

Lilah: That reminds me of "Fuck tha PO-lice Comin straight from the underground" N.W.A. haha <3

Mich: I would rather them not talk about me at all! ^-^ but I can only dream right?
Next time I wear those boots Ill take a pic, cause I love lookin badass!


<33 Time to read yo words! Love yall! SEW MUCH

Maybe, it Aint So Bad!

Can anyone say 2hr delay? Maybe living in the woods isnt so bad, when I get to wake up to winter wonderlands! It was really nice today :D Shortened classes! Snow! And nooooooo food! (okay a little)

As you can prolly tell today was a whole lot better then yesterday! I even wore a cute outfit today. I wore my classic side-zip leather biker jacket and my new biker boots! lol Im such a tool sometimes <3

I had 1.5 Fruit by the foot things, and ew they made me feel sick! Theres a reason I dont eat that shit, besides the fact that its 99.9% sugar and gross :]
So in total I've eaten
Coffee (50)
Diet Pepsi (0)
Fruit Roll-ups (??)
Pasta and Pesto (???)

So not alot...but I still feel like it was toooooo much..

Wowowow All the feedback makes me smile like a damn fool sometimes XD
Ariana: Hottopic is way over priced but at the same time, theres not really any other place to get that stuff unfortunately. PacSun is the only place I shop for jeans though, I like their stuff and it can take some abuse where as hottopic stuff tends to fall apart reeeeely easy! lol

Rachael: Your lucky your belt has lasted soo long, most of my friends who get belts from HT end up buying new ones a few weeks later. Mine is missing like 2 and Ive had to buy a few buckles but I cant go without this belt, I wear it every day!

Mich: I loved her slippers also, and that shirt <33 I wish I was thin enough to rock an outfit like that!

Heather: Hahaha Or Adrienne on weed! Comment award of the day goes to you for that one XD I love seeing my name on other peoples blogs too, its always nice!


ALRIGHT time to go catch up on each of your lovely blogs <33
(and welcome new comers! Enjoy!!)



Ok after dinner. Once again my fat ass father decided to comment on how skinny I look. Because of how my jeans look on me. First off, when you wear jeans all day they strech and sag a little I dont look like a fucking model in them. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE YOU ASS! STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I CANT HEAR YOU. JUST BECAUSE YOU FUCKTARDS CANT HEAR EACHOTHER ONE ROOM AWAY DOESNT MEAN I CANT EITHER. I HEAR YOU TALKING ABOUT ME. I KNOW WHAT YOUR SAYING AND IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT. STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP AND I WONT STOP SAYING STOP TILL YOU DO. assholes.

WOW! oh and question?

Thank you SO much for your feedback! I wasnt expecting that at all!!

Hey, quick question. How do you girls like being responded back to? Sometimes I post you name then answer on here and other times I go to your blogs and respond on your latest posts. So what do you girls like?

Lol well today Im responding back here!

Ariana: Nah, my birdie doesnt talk, he can sortof say his own name! I got that belt at PacSun YEARS ago, seriously all my friends stud-belts they get from hottopic fall apart within a month but mine has lasted and lasted!! <33 Thanks soooo much ^-^

Heather: THANKS hahaha <3 I can tell you the first day i relized my legs didnt touch was weird. Normally I rest my Ipod on my legs while on the bus, but one day it kept falling through and I was like WTF?? then I was like :O yaya!! Thanks <3333

Rachael: I hate to sweat. I hate hate hate hate it! Every once in awhile Ill forget deodorant and ohhhhh balls I freak out on those days! Haha Adorable is perfect for my baby I love that bird, hes super soft!

Thin_Envy: The woods get reallllly boring reallly fast hahaha but if youve never lived in the woods before it can be reallly cool to see all the animals like deer and squirrels and birds and rabbits and foxes! Thanks alot!!


BY THE WAY! you all made my day SO much better your comments made me light up faster then um.... somthing that.... lights up fast(?) hahaha <3 I love you all tthanks so much for the support

So This is My Life

My head hurts. My stomach hurts. And I'm tired as hell.

I didnt eat today...yet. Just a few sips of coffee and a Diet Pepsi. My stomach is all bloated and wouldnt you know it, I had gym today. 99.9% of the time, I just put on sweat pants and leave my shirt and hoodie on. I was planning on doing that today, I had on a big soft sweater and it got hot as BALLS in that gym, so I had to take it off or run the risk of sweating(ew) so I took it off. All I had underneath was a little spaghetti strap black shirt. I was so angry cause it looked like I was pregnant, Im not. hahah! ugh.

Today was an overall shitty day. Shitty weather, gloom and doom rain. Shitty classes, no I dont feel like getting up and finding some random piece of art on the wall Mr. Government teacher. And shitty feeling, like someones pounding a drum in my head.


Thats my Baby Birdy, his name is Purdy! <3


My bedroom! Kindof messy, love my posters and flags <3


Outside my window, dreary day. But you get it when I saw I live in the woods!!


And me. Bad picture cant really see the love-handles. My arms are flab-tastic.


From the side. No sucking it in I promise. But still :/

So anyone else? I love seeing other peoples bedrooms. I used to be on some other online community where these happened all the time. <3

Well THINK THIN

Laxatives and Sleeping Pills

Since I ate so much food yesterday I had decided to take a bunch of laxatives throughout the day. I think I took 5in total(oh and they didn't help and all.) I took 2 before I went to bed... Right after I took 3sleeping pills. Rotfl I relized what I had done right after I swallowed all the pills XD I was a little scared to fall asleep!! But don't worry no sleepy time mishaps happened ;)

Today wasn't as bad as yesterday but it was still rough.
Pasta+sauce (300)
One whole bag of chips (1275)
Coffee (50)
Tea(0)
Diet Pepsi (0)

And I have yet to eat dinner O.O damn this weekend was a total fuck up!! Gahhh. But then again I barley eat all week...and I do alot of walking everyday... No. I'm just making excuses for myself. I'm also pretty bloated and gross so I look like I'm back to 125lbs like I was at the biggening of the year. I can't go back to that again. Nope. Nu-uh. Never.

*************
After dinner:

We had PASTA for dinner FML! It had spinach in it....better right?? nope
Im STUFFED right now. I feel like I ate a bowling ball, my stomach looks like a beachball under my shirt gross gross gross gross gross.

And alcohol. Drinking that. Um Amaretto is the bomb. SO yummy. Plus gets me tipsy quick, even on a full stomach... but so calorie filled. I have this thing where I dont say no to alcohol, well it depends on what it is. Basically Ill drink whatever, except Wine. Gross.

Rachael: I love reading your blog <33 Im so glad I get to see into your life also it really helps!!

Thanks Muffin, but I messed up today too! lol tomorrow right??

MICH YOU MUST SEE INCEPTION. Its such an amazing movie it will BlOw YoUr MiNd!!! <33

Love all ya girls!!

Fucking Mashed Potatoes, Oh LORD

^Friend of mine on the left. She is perfectly skinny. Shes one of those girls who eats and eats and eats and eats and try as she mite she cant gain a pound. Shes got some bad hair in real life, and kindof a shitty personality...so I guess it the imperfections even out the perfections right? Plus, her the girl next to her looks sooooo big compared to her!! lol

So I binged today SOOO BADLY OMG. All I did today was EAT!! I woke up and noone was home, Ive been wanting to do this for a while but since its so bad for me I havent been. I didnt take my ADHD meds today so I was game for anything and everything. UGH I wish I had taken them X.X So anyway, I went downstairs and made myself some of those DELICIOUS mashed potatoes that you just add water to...ate it all. All 440 calories of it. Then after that I proceeded to eat chocolate wafer cookies(140). Decided that Pasta with Alfredo sauce was a great Idea(350). 2 coffees! (100) Tea(0) and then used the leftover pasta to make a sandwich with mayo, onion, lettuce and bread. I crave the WEIRDEST things. so that was at least (200) calories. And for dinner my dad made steak that I had with a salad and asparagus. Only healthy thing of the day.

OH and almost forgot Coconut Gelato. Fuck me.

On the bright side, no fighting from my parents today. :] its nice. We watched Inception(one of my favorite movies) Im waiting till like midnight to see MCR on a live web show(im so crazy) Im gonna waste time by saving thinspo to my USB.

Im really glad I have this blog and Im even more glad that people care enough to read it all (28)!! of you!! <3 It really means alot to me when you comment. It just helps to know that someones reading, and even remotely cares about what I do. <3333 I cant express how thankful I am for each and every one of you.

Thank you<3

Mindless Self Indulgence

I haven't listened to that band since John died...but I think that shut up is an apropriate song seeing as that's all I want my parents to do. It's their 21aniversary today. And who'd have guessed they are fighting. Over compleate bull shit too. God I am so tired of it. Every fucking night. Do they really think I want to listen to this? Cause I really don't. Fuck them. Fuck autocorrect on my itouch turning my fucks in ducks. Fuck everything. LOL I put my speakers on my floor blasting stupid MF at them I hope they hear it. Assholes.

I barley ate today.
Coffee
Sausage, rice, broccoli, onions
Diet Pepsi
Water

I didn't go for the long ass walk today either :( Megan had and In-school suspenton for cutting class, and Izzy had college visit. I didn't want to walk down all by myself for no reason seeing as I ran out of smokes a couple days ago. Megang got out of inschool early thou so I cut the last class of the day to go out :) made me happy. It was fucking cold out but made me happy. We didn't even walk half way to the deli so balls to that. I danced for a good 45minutes to MCR till my mom came home.

Ya know what? I spent a good lot ofthe day pissed off. I got mad cause I was all alone in class, then I got mad cause it was so god damn cold in the school, then fucking peter wouldn't STFU about Catcher in the Rye even though I said I hate the book he kept trying to explain what a master piece it is. It's all well and good that you like it. I don't. Don't try to convince me otherwise asshole. Ugh. Peter is such a wanna be emo kid. He's one of those kids who "cuts" himself then shows it off like "I'm so troubled oh noooo you toooootally saw my cuts like don't tell anyone I'm just dealing with stuff" no. You don't have problems. I have problems. I admit some people have perfectly good reason to self harm. Whatever helps ya know? But when people do it cause they think it's cool. They can go get shot in the face.

Jesus. I'm fucking angry. I'm listening to Kim by eminem. It's the single most brutle song I've ever heard. And it's just making me more and more angry. Fuck. FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. FUCK YOU FUCK CHESS AND MARCUS AND MOM AND DAD AND HOMEWORK ANS MATH AND COLLEGE AND FOOD AND LIFE AND MAKEUP AND COMPUTERS AND PENIS AND CUPCAKES AND....and.....rolflmao penis. Hahahahahaha

I'm a wee bit better.

Cluckin Russian and OH MY GOD 103

Look at them! They are PERFECT I wish I looked like that, their soooooo damn cute :3

Its a sandwich and oh-bi-gosh I was craving one! It is a horrible thing thats made a chicken cutlet, russian dressing, bacon, provolone cheese all on a roll. Oh their sooo good, and soooooooooo greasy D: BUT! I totally didnt eat it :D Instead I got candy :[ and a blue Jolt(energy drink 180cal)

HOLD BALLS I JUST WEIGHED MYSELF 103.0LBS :D I had to reweigh myself at least 5times before I believed it! Im really really really happy! wow! Ive been feeling like Im eating everything left and right....guess not O.o Ugh, I really want to eat a ton of food right now! Im thinking edamame, hot chocolate, chocolates...

well(SO FAR) today I ate:
Candy(200)
Jolt(180)
Pasta+Alfredo sauce+onions+Cheese(?)
Diet Pepsi(0)
Water(0)

I need to start "forgetting" my wallet before I walk down to the deli everyday cause 1. its killing my cash stash and 2. they have no healthy food there whatsoever! The only thing under 500 calories is gum and Diet soda! and Cigarettes...lol I mean, it is just like a quick coffee stop, its not supposed to be good for you, just fast ans cheap-ish. I really need pics of this place for yall cause this store perfectly describes where I live. Middle of nowhere, lots of hunting stuf(guns bows, mounted deer heads) bad for you food and lots of snooty/rugged people.

I just got new speakers for my Ipod, Really loud ones :] nothing says fuck you like blasting some Rage Against The Machine at full volume :P

So tell me Bloggers...how you doin??

EVIL! BAHAHAHA

First... I BURN YOUR EYES!!

BAHAHAAHA

then I cool them with a sexy sexy man


And make you all inspired with this :]



Im sorry Im such a bad person/total fangirl
Im so damn happy right now and I dont even know why!! GAHH!! I didnt eat much today AT ALL!

Life-savers
Vitamin water
Pasta w/ sauce
Grande vanilla Latte(starbucks)
Diet pepsi

I walked a shit ton today too. Like way to much! hahaha. OMG!

sorry this post had NOTHING to say >.< <3

MY CHEMICAL FREAKIN ROMANCE

So omg, I saw My Chemical Romance last night! I was like 10feet away from them and Gerard Way is an amazing sexy man upclose(and far away) :D they played Sing, Teenagers, Im Not Okay, Na Na Na Na Na Na, and Helena. They also played Planetary(Go!) during warm ups. XD they were amazing, and it was freeezing. 32degrees Farenheight. I was bundled up like a marshmellow, and I was still shivering. Jeezus. It was cold. And I have never been so tired in my life after that. Every time I see them, my heart stops cause they are that great **swoon** AND OMG I caught one or Ray Toro's Picks **swoon again** I have it tucked in with the battery of my cell phone so I cant loose it. :D :D :D :D

All I had to eat yesterday was:
Hotchocolate that some very nice girls in line shared with me
mac and cheese
Tea
Vitiamin water

Oh an the exercise I got was amazing. Try keeping yourself near the front of a crowd of the most dedicated MCR fans. Its not easy. Infact its damn near impossible! There were not alot of skinny girls there. weird! Ill get a pic up of my hair asap!

Ugh Im still reeling from the show :3 <33 love you all!

Free My Chem Concert

So there is a free mcr concert tomorrow and I hope hope hope I get it :) my day was horrid. Woke up to everyone fighting and gram getting in his car to leave. My parents are getting a divorce and my brother physically can't be in the same state as my father because of the stress it causes him. I ended up leaving the house and walking around for 2hours in the freezing cold woods. I finally came back home and was surfing the web when HOLY FUCK FREE CONCERT AND IM GOING!! I am sooooo happy. I'm not sure I'll actually get in to the show but ima try. I dyed my hair bright red...ruby red :) it looks awesome and I'm damn proud of it.

I'm on an itouch right now so it's gonna be hard to check you blogs D: but I am trying my best!! Oh mannn I'm dead tired. I passed out at around 12 and was abruptly woken up at 7 I think... Yea that's about right.

OHHHHHH IM SO DAMN EXCITED FOR MCR

So I ate:
Coffee
Chocolate
Roast beef grilled cheese
Water
Diet pepsi

Yea wow that's it. Totally thought I ate more then that. I walked at least 2miles today.

Love you girls <3

Hide and Seek

-Imogen Heap Its an amazing song. Really, it is. That song- the feeling is exactly how Im feeling right now. I hate everything, and everyone...almost <3

Marcus kissed me today...okay that was a little more then a kiss. That was full on make out. I though I had a thing for him...I do not. Nope. Hes just not from me >.< Jesus I'm picky about boys :[ I would kill for someone to snuggle up with though, right now would be nice.

105.0 today...

I ate
Chinese food
5guys Fries
lemonaid
Water
hot chocolate
Pizza
Chocolate
Cherry Coke
Brownie

I cant wait till monday, then I can not eat all day. I can return my life to normal. I hate my family. Cept my brother...I still love him. I want to tell you all whats happening with my family. But if I tell you...that would make it real. I dont want it to be real. Its not happening. Its not....<3

Starting the perfect movin it playlist. First 3 songs

Shimmy Shimmy Ya- Ol' Dirty Bastard
Kountry Gentleman- Family Force 5
People of the Sun- Rage Against the Machine

Ok Listen to it. Get the feel of what Im doing, Dance to it, love it! Any suggestions as to what else should go with this??

Wax Museum and Force Fed Pizza

God I think wax museums are cool. I went on this art field trip, the place was an hour away, on one of those mini buses >.< not alot of room. ButI had an awesome time. We painted with wax, my pieces turned out really well :]

unfortunately the teacher ordered pizza(bad pizza) for lunch. I was planing on just drinking tea, until my teacher said "Adrienne, why arent you eating? go get a slice." Shes already reported 2 other students of being anorexic I dont need that bullshit, so I ate a small slice. When I was about to put my plate in the trash she goes
"Adrienne, theres another slice here have it"
"Oh, no thank you"
"Weeellll come on it wont hurt you"

Yes Ms. M.It will hurt me. It will make me fat. And I cant have that.
I ended up eating the pizza :[ All I could think about for the next hour was "god she made me eat it. Oh god, Im not gonna even work this off"

Intake:
Shredded dried beef(late night chinese)
Left over pasta from Olive Garden
Regular Pepsi
Diet pepsi x2
Sour Patch Watermelon
Pork Bun
Hot Chocolate
Tea
Water
Pizza X2
Wonton Soup

Im not feeling well. Im actually really really tired. I also have a cold D: <3 I love you girls and now that I have a moment alone I can catch up on all of them <33 Love ya!
Thin Dreams

How many benadryl
Do you
Think it takes
To die?
Theres no need to worry about me :) Im not suicidal at all. Im gonna be here as usual. Im just curious. I took like 3 maybe 4 of them I really need the sleep...no....i just really dont want to be in my house or my head.

Jeezus this sounds sew depressing! Hahaha Im watching a show on the Kennedys and wow jackie kennedy looks amazing.

Im so thankful for ADHD cause its so easy for me to ignore the bullshit downstairs. Turn up the music, or tv, or whatever.

<3

New York, New York.

Well, I got up at 7 and then my brother and I went into the city. We walked so far. We walked to Times Square, then to Rockefeller Center. We visited the Nintendo/Pokemon canter there and I got some pretty sweet Mario/Yoshi pajama pants!

Unfortunately Gram had a doctors appointment some un-godly distance away, so we got on the subway. Although I have lived 90% of my life in New York, I am not much of a City Girl. One thing Ive had to teach people is that New York is a State while New York City is a City within the state lol. Long story short, we got lost, nice man helped us out. We also met a large man dressed as the joker who proceeded to tell us about how his woman left him...

I wore heels to the city and my feet are KILLING ME! lol ok its not that bad actually. I didnt even see any really skinny people in the city...just like average. Thats shocking! I mean today I only ate some sushi and a little soup. One coffee and water :] plus all that walking!

I totally weighed 105.0Lbs today D: broke my heart a little bit. But Im gonna work on that.

this post has no energy @_________@ Im sorry about that girls. I had a rough night. My mom picked me and Gram up from the city and they talked the entire way home. like 2hrs. I turned on my Ipod as soon as my mom started about leaving my dad, and how the only reason she stayed with him for 20 years even though she hates him was because of Gram and I- mcr. Loud. really loud. drown it out. dont cry Adrienne. -dont mean to much to me, im who Ive got to be-

<3

So I dont have a laptop so Im typing this from my fone I hope it works XD tomorrow Im going into the city with Gram. Gonna go see the tree all lit up at Rockerfeller center, then were going to china town for prokbuns(yum unhealthy and fattening) were doing ALOT of walking so Im thinking heels :) I love wearing heels into the city, my feet dont get sore.
Today I ate:
Mac and cheese (toystory)
Hot chocolate
Sour patch kids
Icee (1/2)
Water
Diet pepsi (2)
Swiss steak sandwich
Cheese
Ohhmygod I ate alot today D: ewewew IM GONNA BE FAT oh...I like 90% was eaten cause I was...well mary jane was good to me.
I dont want anyone to get the wrong idea about me. Im not a druggie. Everyone binges. I just binge on bud....that leads to food. Lol

So This Happened XD

He started it and I played along, and then I was just an ass XD OMG he came into school with his nails painted BRIGHT BLUE. He said his little sister painted them while he was sleeping, but there wasnt a chip, bump, mush, nothing on those nails. Ladies, you know. If you dont sit perfectly still and do nothing till they are 150% Dry they will get messed up. And he slept with wet nails and they came out perfect? No. Sorry doesn't work. I dont believe Ive shared a picture of him. Hes chubby, short(my height), and his hair is to his lower back.

Oh did I fail to mention he gets mistaken for a girl? alot? Like truckers have tried to get his number. Lol

Im sorry I just had to share this

Baller Day

Lol I want to go into detail, but I dont want someone to find this. Long story short I was blazed(high) from 7:28Am-12:30pm. If thats not a win day I dont know what is! Haha. I dont think I ate much today. Although my mom made my FAVORITE!! Swiss Steak, egg noodles, and spinach. ohhhhhhh yum :3 I only had soda otherwise...yea lol

Good times today. hahaha :D

Going into NYC some day this week, Thursday I think. Then some AP Art Field trip on Friday.Saturday I'm supposed to go over to Marcus's house and watch anime with him :3 I hope we get snuggly ^-^ This will be a fantastic week. I can feel it.


Lol and yes it issss a LONG ASS WALK down there. Everyday there and back, rain or shine, sleet, or snow. We are out there. Smoking....hahaha

<3Thanks for your support and comments <3 They all made me lol

LOOOK AT THIS
http://www.vogue.com/vogue-daily/article/vd-here-come-the-really-cool-girls-offduty-model-looks-at-the-couture/?mbid=v_su_ppc_offduty

Im a Shitty Person

And I dont care at all.

Im a Shitty person cause my ex-boyfriend just posted "I'm checking into rehab, 'cause everything that we had, didn't mean a thing to you" from the Love Drunk song(?) and ya know. He pisses me off. Like fuck him. Sooo I posted another line from the song "All the bullshit you put me through" with a little <3 next to it. Heres to you asshole :] haha yet another reason I hate facebook

Yes I am infact a person who seeks revenge, he was a total dick, I gave him chance after chance and he was just shitty. I know how immature, dont try to tell me Im not :P Cause I really am sometimes. Most of the time I act my age...hahaha

I really appreciate the fact that you like the thinspo I put together. :D Ill keep trying to put one up with every post <3

Cause all the good times, They give you cancer

Haha for the next forever Im just gonna do song lyric titles and movie references.

Today was really nice, I mean fucking freezing, but nice. Everyday I walk from my school to a deli down this long ass walk. I google mapped it lol here :]



I walk there and back everyday. I dont know the exact distance. Although its hard to tell, theres a shit ton of hills and walking up them after 2 or 3 cigarettes makes it so much harder @__@ haha but its good for me. I also got a little high. lol Art was awesome.

I ate:
coffee X2
tea x2
Hot chocolate
Turkey
Mashed Potatoes
Broccoli
Bread
Diet Pepsi X2

OH MY GOD I was so embarrassed today X.X I plugged my USB in while talking to the boy I like and it just started playing all the pics! The first one to pop up was of me and my ex-boyfriend kissing. >.< Im sure I turned bright red. I dont know why I have it either. I dont want to delete it ughhh. Anyone else Id be cool, but Marcus? ughhh X.X I would rather my thinspo folder start playing that I could just be like oh, I really liked the outfit or something, for an art project.
Ok. Deep Breath.
Gotta gather my cool back.....ok got it together. Bahahaha little freak out there ^-^
lol I sound like a tool.

Grams home. Really happy. Hes chilling with the parents right now. w/e. He gave me his bracelet from when he was a baby, in otherwords my writs fit into a baby bracelet.

Ok heres my deal. I think Im thin. I just think I could be thinner I mean, I could probably stop here and be fine, but I wouldnt be perfect, you have to push yourself. And thats what Im doing. Pushing myself.

<3 thanks for the comments all you lovelies they really make me happy :D

What? Really? Again? Seriously?

Third day in a ROW that Ive been woken up early. 10am this time. Normally I cant fall asleep again either, but if I try hard enough I can. I end up rolling around alot, there has to be at least 10min of perfect silence for it to work though. I ended up getting out of bed at 11.

I feel like shit though, like I want to puke, and my stomach is messed up, and Im really tired. I spent like 80% of the day going up and down stairs because I kept having to retrieve christmas decor from my basement. I got 1room "done" I also put up like 1/4 my tree. I love christmas, just not today. Totally not in the mood.

Dad came home today. No fights....YET. lol He is actually going into the city for work tomorrow yay!! and Grams coming home cant wait!

Annie: I fucking love MCR to the death. Ill post some pics of my room later and you can see all the posters and shit I have of them. Its hilarious, Ill also share some concert pics. I saw them in Madison Square Garden and I had seen them before that as The Black Parade. My friends use to call me Ferard cause I used to look like Gerard(when my hair was shorter) and I had all of Franks energy and hyperness lol I <3 MCR

Ariana: You were totally right about the nose thing! We had some Realtor over :/ not that exciting by my nose stopped itching XD I have a food journal that I keep alot of my thinspo in. But I keep all of it on my USB, I have a whole series of folders you have to go through. From the whole usb-->work-->math(cause its about +/-)--> thinspo-->fattys or before and after folders.

Love you all <3 Love all your blogs <3 Love all your comments <3 love all your AWESOME

GOD

People are annoying. I cant stand to look at my facebook newsfeed anymore. Its like all the people who I dislike decided to post something at the same time. Its like the peoples whos faces I cant stand to look at, whos faces just...annoy me! OR I cant stand what their saying, I just want to write "shut the fuck up, I dont want to hear about it!" Im so damn tired.

So in my Thinspo folder on my USB there is this picture.


Why you may ask? When I found this there was a comment that made me laugh so hard I cryed. Some admirable soul had written:

"whatever, that's what fat people with no will power say! think thin girls! love ya to the bones."

I have never been so proud of my fellow pro-anas as I was then.

Stuffin Muffin!!

Woke up to my Mom making stuffing into muffins. Deliciously unhealthy ;] Was also woken up way too early by a text from a friend @________@ fell back asleep though.

I went and got a mani/pedi and ooohhhh did that feel good! I love getting all that attention and also getting those great massages! Im one of those girls who always get black nail polish ;D

No anime club today D: Marcus couldnt do it, so no snugglies with him and I had even gotten my hair all nice:[ ( I talked to Marcus alot last night SQUEEE) I dont really watch that much Anime, but I do watch, "My Bride is a Mermaid", "Moribito", "Hellsing" and Pokemon. I love movies like Spirited Away, Howls Moving Castle, Ponyo, The Place Promised in Our Early Days, and Kikis Delivery Service. I never read much Manga except Inuyasha.

Today I ate(too much):
Sandwich 1/2
Coffee X2
Diet Pepsi X2
Tea
Mashed potatoes
Stuffin Muffin X1/2
Pasta, Sauce, Sausage
Cookie X1
Chocolates X3
Gravy

Ive been eating so much latley, just to appease my mom :[ I really dislike this. EWWW. Tomorrow I need to work on a powerpoint about sexual orientation discrimination in the work place. The group of people Im working on this with I never talk to, so its really awkward :/ I only need to do a few things about laws to stop it so it should be easy. MY NOSE IS BOTHERING ME SO DAMN MUCH ITS SO ITCHY!!!!! MAKE! IT! STOP!

Hahaha that was weird.(still itches though) I believe the superstition is have an itchy nose and youll kiss a fool. My nose has been itching like crazy ALL DAY so what? Im I gonna make out with a total fool? cause I have no problem with that ;D

Okay well Im gonna go catch up on all your blogs. BTW I love all of you <333

Black (out) Friday

No shopping today. I believe that waking up at 5Am to rush to a store and get beaten by other crazy people is pointless. Mostly because the deals arent that truly amazing at the places where I want to go... lol

Today was a mess. My Dad packed up and headed for Vermont for the weekend. Last night my Mom told him he was going to loose Gram like he lost his son Garrett. That...that was going a little to far :/ even if it had to be said. Grams coming home Monday, just for a week though... I dont know what to do with my family anymore. Ugh.

I spent just about all day on my couch sleeping. I had to sleep with my mom last night, cause my mom was worried I was going to run off and get eaten by wolves.(I know, I know) My Dad slept in another room last night. She woke me up at like 7AM. thats 7hrs of sleep. After a night like that?? soooo damn tired

Yesterday, I actually dont think I ate that much. (note the think part lol)
I had:
1small slice turkey
1spoonful mashed potatoes
1spoonful sweet potatoes
Gravy
corn? haha I dont really remember. It all added up to one paperplate full XD It was really nice to see Mr.Peace and his son. I met these two other boys, 14, and 17. The 17yrold was really cute ;] hes blond and green eyed, weight lifts, likes music, all around gooood. Ill probably see him again, in VT.

From the looks of my last post, I was really drunk last night :D

Today was icky. No hangover but it certainly wasnt pretty.
Mac and cheese
cookies
coffee
tea
coke
diet pepsi
mashed potatoes
meatloaf
gravy
Raspberries
jam
lettuce
cheese
bread
mayo

ughhh. SOOOO GROSSS. note that was in no particular order, its just how i remembered it haha. I hope I have anime club tomorrow. I want to see Marcus. :3 hes sooo cute! Maybe I can keep my food a little lower. HA. no Ill try.


Ive been reading all your blogs! And I love doing that <3

did I post that pic aleardy? im too lazy to go check

DAMN, im drunk

Im really drunk so excuse any errors, but im trying to be careful.
Gram IS coming home for a visit. YAY I cant wait
TODAY was awesome. so I helped my mom make pie and potatoes, it was fun. and then I got to Mr. Peaces. At first seeing Mr.Peaces son Tom was real awkward, mostly because I seriously disliked him during high school. But after the Manhattan(some sort of alcohol drink this parentheses should say what it is) It was less awkward. He was actually pretty cool! I had to stack wood for a fire and ended up cutting my hand D: there were 5guys making fun of me while I helped them stack wood. That is until my dad said "If you dont like it just leave" and I did. It was apperent silence after I did lol. But I have a nasty cut on my hand...

I dont care a bout food. I had tons of Manhattans and tons of Chanpange andh...

never mind. it sucks, my dad just called my mom a cunt.

well well, Mr. Turkey we meet again...

Thats how I feel today will be. like The turkeys 007 and Im Goldmember trying to destroy him...lol that was weird. I dont know Im gonna just let go a little today i guess. 104.5Lbs this morning. Plus Im gonna be doing a good thing today. One of our family friends is a paraplegic(has been almost all his like, hes really chill about though, making jokes etc) Anyway, he had an accident where he ended up in the hospital, parts of his hips had died either from somthing internal or from falling but they had to take the dead flesh out. Long story short Hes go 2 big holes in his side and he cant sit up for more then 30min a day. He wont be able to move for months and months. So were going over with a few other friends of his and having thanksgiving with him :]

update latterz!

btw thank you for all your kind comments they really help me when shit goes down <3

Less and Less

The less I talk/think/listen/associate with my parents the happier I am. Tomorrow Im gonna need to play nice, ya know. Pretend to be a perfect happy daughter whos in the perfect happy family. eww.
my mom didnt ask me what I ate, didnt weigh me...didnt care- so cool? lol

Today I ate:
Tea
Diet Pepsi
Iced tea
Egg+english muffin
Applesauce
coffee
Pizza slice
hot chocolate

Ugh Im really full. my stomachs all full of water, and I can hear in slosshhing around @__________@ Im all tired out :/ goodnight lovelies

Well that was pointless

I hope my mom doesnt read this anymore but here it goes...

first off I want to thank all of you for your support and kind words <3 they mean alot

second, I told my dad how I felt. I told him that Gram wasnt coming home. And he just said noo nope no no no, hes coming home friday! like...did he just completely forget his little freak out last night where he told him not to bother coming home? They want to know why hes depressed. But Gram doesnt have and answer, he just...doesnt. I talked to Gram, crying almost the entire time mind you, and he told me the past two months were the hardest thing to go through ever in his life. He was so unhappy he felt no drive to get out of bed, eat, or move at all. I know Gram wont go...hurting himself...but Im still worried for his mental health. I love my big brother so much and its killing me to see him like this. Im sorry girls im going to have to cut off here for just a little while...Ill update in a little bit. I cant even see the keyboard

They dont care about us

My parents dont care about me or Gram. They dont love us. They just care how much we cost. Thats all they are concerned about. If they loved Gram they would let him come home no questions asked, instead they freak out about him "wasting" $10,000 by leaving school for a semester. They arent concerned about the fact that hes clinically depressed. And let it be know that Im the only one in my family who has never been on anti-depressants, so depression is not uncommon in our family. They dont care that hes so depressed he willing left a school, and a city, and friends that I KNOW he loves with all his heart, to come to a home he hates.

My dad, as usual believes its a conspiracy, that the school just doesnt want a failing kid bringing down their average, and that the school doesnt want to deal with his problems, also making the school look bad. My moms response to grams Diagnosed Clinical Depression? get over it. Just get over it. get over it? He has obvious demons he needs to deal with and all they care about is how much money hes wasting. Wouldnt even buy him a plane ticket to NY for Thanksgiving. I cant stand that these....money grubbing monsters are my parents. I dont want them to be.

Im so broken, and I havent stopped crying for the past 45Min. My nose is raw from tissues, my eyes bloodshot, and my cheeks are tear stained. My head is throbbing. I hate it here, I hate it.

Fuck, my mom found this

My mom came upstairs and Told me I was looking "ill in my sickness" She then forced me onto a scale and I weighed 105.0 Shes making me gain 5Lbs. Making me. Im angry and scared. She told me to cut the bullshit. She told me she found this blog and how Ive been talking about skipping meals and starving etc. Im going to delete my Comp history on my other computer and then I might change the address to this blog but Ill keep you all updated

Just Because...

Just because someone is comfortable with their own body, does not give them the right to dress however they want. Just because an item of clothing is sold in a certain side, does not give someone the right to wear said item.



Case and point.
They are cute outfits...for a skinny person. Actually it kindof looks like she ate Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. And all of their friends. ;] -from the blog young Fat and Fabulous. looking for some good reverse-thinspo? head on over
http://www.youngfatandfabulous.com/

Today was pretty good,
2Diet Pepsis,
one coco Mallow(the chocolate covered marshmallows with the cookie)(80cal)
Water
and one gusher!
Meatball sub for dinner again, 2meatballs and a little bit of bread. I need to throw the the rest of my chips out before I devour them! I still feel gross from those :[ I deserve it though, taught me a lesson. No more chips!!! I want to weigh 105 again when my brother Gram gets home Friday! YAYAYAYAY

AHhhhh good times <3 Thanks for all of your support Girls <333 Stay thin!

Danger Days: Fuck yes.

My Chemical Romance's new album dropped today and I I must say, it is some of the best work they have ever done. If you dont like MCR I respect your opinion, but I dont want to hear it cause I love em ;]

Todays total consumption was:
Water
Diet Pepsi X2
Tea
Meatloaf (also very small)(275)
Egg noodles(220)
chips(300)
so 795? its alright :/

Most likely Im going to get some more tea soon. I gotta take a picture of it, I have this fancy Green and Gold cup that deserves to be held by the queen during afternoon tea. I feel like when I have a large clunky heavy mug I feel equally as large clunky and heavy... With my dainty and fragile tea cup and tea pot, I feel so much lighter smaller. weird? haha a little!

One more thing and I promise to stop rambling on, has anyone else read this article about the Nutrition Professor who lost 27Lbs eating only Twinkies and other junk foods proving its not quality but quantity? yea. Check it out <3

http://www.takepart.com/news/2010/11/08/nutrition-professor-drops-27-pounds-on-a-twinkie-diet



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okay about 15minutes after I posted this I just about finished the bag of Cape Cod Sea Salt& Vinegar chips :[ I feel so defeated. and fat. Ive spent the last Hour and a half Running 3.5Miles. Its the first time in months that Ive actually ran, so I feel really sick right now. I basically turned my bedroom into a sweat box; The heats turned up to 80degrees, im wearing sweatpants, a sweatshirt, a long sleeved shirt underneath, ski socks and a fleece hat. I've also chugged an entire bottle of water, and I have 2more that I need to finish before I go to bed. Boy, did I fuck up today. and all I can think is that im going to wake up and weigh 300Lbs D:

My Stomach Says Hello!

Its been grumbling all day :] in other words I have eaten a total of NOTHING! except for water and Life Sustaining Diet Pepsi ;] Im not sure whats for dinner just yet, but Im sure it wont be too bad... Today was odd, I was Eating lunch with my friend who just moved into town...rather I was watching her eat her lunch lol. She had gotten the schools tacos...they. Smelt. TERRIBLE! gahh. I actually thought about leaning over and just stealing a bite, but then the voice in my head said "NOooooo. Shes a Size XL, you want to be her? Dooo youuu?" The sound of a can of soda opening immediately followed.
I started talking to Chess again(Exboyfriend) I am 100% sure this time that I wont date him again. I just dont see how. I think that hes taking me just talking to him a little to seriously...last time I talked to him like this we got into a fight where I told him he ruined every chance of getting back together with me. Oh well, hes another douche-bag-boy. and there is a few other boys who like me, one of whom is like a stick figure @_____@

I need to weigh myself soon, but not when my parents are around they are already suspicious of my weight >.<

Thanks for all the support on my last couple posts! All your comments mean the world to me! <3 thankyouthankyouthankyou!!

Has anyone played the game Portal? its a tad nerdy but its by far the best puzzle game out there, thats where my picture comes from, also the phrase "the cakes a lie"

<33 stay thin girls I LOVE ALL OF YOUU

The people who inspire me

Most of these people are in some way or form friends, not good ones...but I know them. They go to my school and they are the ones who inspire me to continue to loose weight ;] btw get ready to meet the bitch in me


This was prom, we had gone into the city and she^ was the only one who couldnt find a dress cause hi-end stores only make up to about size 14. her second choice dress(pictures) did not look good.


Halloween. They didnt look that bad...but lets just say that tight was not made for them.


This one, used to be the little pixie in our group, shes about 4feet6in tall and at 100-104lbs she was very cute and small...cut to present day and she has ballooned up to 130. shes much smaller then me and weighs almost 3times as much.


Halloween again...costumes shouldnt be made plus side


She was trying to be a MCR killjoy for Halloween. Legging? no. Most chubby people work like mad on their hair...she does not, I actually dont think she showers. Shes also a pretty shitty friend who calls me a pig. ME. A PIG. I who never eats, was called a pig by her.


Shes really nice, but has intense weight problems. Shes my age. scary right?



I went on a trip to Europe with these girls. The one on the Far right looks pregnant when shes not sucking it in so much, she wore extremely short, small and tight clothes. It was not a pretty sight. Im proud of the one in the one-piece because shes the only one who realized what was appropriate. One on the far left with the stomach hanging over? that was hard to look at.

this is my real life reverse thinspo <3 it is these people who keep me going. Obviously it didnt work today. Meatball sub for dinner(only 2meatballs)I love posting on my blog Im sorry for spamming XD Ive spent all day going through thinspo. <3