Holy Balls Man

Thats my friend! She didnt do it through exercise. Stress is making her throw up, and she cant keep food down and hasnt been able to do for over a Month! Shes sick...but nonetheless shes lost an amazing amount of weight. In earlier posts shes been some of my best thinspo ;] isnt that amazing?

"why arent you eating?" :] Cute little lunch aid with a little jersy accent
"Im not hungry!" :D Chubbster me
"When do you eat?" Aid
"At least once a day!" Chubbster
"suuuSPICIOUS" aid

Now I love that lunch aid, shes the sweetest woman in the world and was actually kidding with me, but it totally put me on edge. So I ate a carrot and it was nasty :[ it wasnt skinned so it had a gross taste to it. I didnt eat that much today but Im really tired. Balls man. Ive been running around all day. I walked down to the Deli at least twice today. AND IT WAS WINDY. so damn windy. So after a windy walk, I had Drama club and I ran around there some more. I spent a good hour or two catching up with my college friend and that was nice, were going Christmas shopping tomorrow :]

So I ate today:
Carrot
Grande Vanilla latte
Scalloped potatoes
Steak
Cauliflower
Water
Diet Pepsi

Chess wouldnt answer me today :[ and I cant even bear to look at my phone. Goddamn, Im fucking pathetic. I had to explain to my college friend why I broke up with him and they all still apply but like :/ I just miss him so much. Seriously. I cant even begin to state my distaste for Kelsey (the Lumpy Bad Tan line Photo Girl YOU MADE ME LOL SO HARD WITH THAT BTW) I see her. Or him. Or both. And I want to cry, and scream, and in the pit of my stomach theres just burning.

99.9% of the time Im very even tempered. I dont get mad easily, Im generally happy, and Im not that jealous of a person, but this...boy is just killing me. I want to curl up on his lap and cry and cry and cry.

Okay. hahah lets stop before I cry right?

I did just text him and ask him if he wants me to stop talking to him...I really hope with all my heart he doesnt say yes. That would break my heart...kill me.

He answered me :]

Damn-it Daft Punk.

I was told that one day I would go into a Daft Punk phase and it happened! Im both annoyed and excited, its the only thing that Im listening to haha :]

Today wasnt bad at all, in fact its been downright good!...food wise anyway. My hair was static as hell all day and annoyed me, I forgot to wear a belt in a rush to get out of the house in time for the bus, I forgot eyeliner, and I looked like shit @_______________@

But what Ive eaten is:
Coffee X2
Diet Pepsi
cookie X1

Im sure dinner will be somewhat bad for me but Ill go for the least amount of food possible without being suspicious. Oh and I finally got some smokes! It feels good man. hahaha :] School was boring as hell, still talking to Chess and oh balls do I get jealous when Kelsey sits next to him. X[ I mean I know its childish and all, but you know...I cant help it. Plus it worries me a little cause she looks like this:

Obviously the middle girl.

BUT Chess likes boobs, and shes got well no chest whatsoever hahaha, and shes also pretty dumb. and yet I still get jealous X.X Oh and thats the same girl whos fucking with my project group thing...

alright. To do.
Shower
Fix my hair from static
Not eat
Dance

OH and if anyones looking for some dancing and moving get some Daft Punk goin ;]

Im sure I broke a Word Record...

Well. I. Feel. Disgusting. Totally gross and unworthy of any food whatsoever. Yall wanna know what I ate? Lets see if theres enough room...

Kraft Mac and Cheese
Coffee X3
Cookies X9
Tea X2
Rice
Chicken curry
Water
Cookie Dough
Peppermint Bark
Diet Pepsi X2
Roast Beef Sandwich
Left over Gnocci
Icing
Asparagus
Iced Tea

Thats so much fucking food. I cant even believe that one human can eat that much in one day and its only 7pm I swear I broke some record for most eaten in a day. FUCK MY LIFE. I even cut my finger trying to open the leftovers from last night, I guess I deserve it. I shouldnt have eaten 99% of that shit. ewewewewew.

The time I spent not eating, I was organizing my thinspo on my USB, finding new Thinspo, and creating paper mache heads for the Drama Club play. Im actually beginning to have a respectable collection of thinspo in my little USB :] right now its organiazed by Before and afters, In my journal, and Not in my journal. I need one good day alone to print out a bunch of thinspo and put it into my little food journal. :] Going through all of that only made me feel fatter though...

OH EW EW EW, want to know what grossed me out today? I made the mistake of looking up fat, which led me to some Fat Fetish website. There was nothing to pornographically bad on there, but it might as well have been a Saw movie. It was horrible. It made me want to die. People think thats beautiful? THEY THINK THATS SEXY? FUCKING EW. MOTHERFUCKING EW

Heather: My ADHD meds do basically that, I have 0 appetite when I take my full dose. I really dislike going out to dinner cause your at a table all looking at eachother, so they know when you dont eat, or your not eating alot :/ its really annnnoooyyyiiinngg

<3

Italian Food, Why You So Bad For Me?

So I went to dinner with the Family, and it was a really great Italian food. First up was Fried Calamari, then came a chop salad with cucumber, tomato, peppers and lettuce...all of which I dislike except for lettuce, I was ordered for by my parents who got me Gnocchi's in a veal ragu. It was so amazingly delicious, but I was stuffed before I even got to the gnoccis. Then or course came dessert, ice cream and cappuccinos and my Dad got me some amaretto. All in all, I ate a ton of food. Way to much food.

My dad didnt say anything about my legs! Or even about my weight! It was pretty nice :] Ariana you were totally right about caffeine X.X I had to pee all before during and after dinner! I had coffee and diet pepsi before we left haha not my best idea!

Oh and my lungs hurt :[ like a cat has just crawled around in there (alllleeerrgic) so theres all sorts of phlegm in my lungs that feel all heavy in my chest. ugh.

<33 love you

F-F-F-Family Dinner

Tonight Im going out to dinner with who I though was my Great Aunt Josepha and Great Uncle Ken, but are actually cousins? I dont really know @___@ I've never had to go to their Christmas party before because I'm really allergic to cat(asthma, itchy, and my eyes swell and water) And they have 3cats at the house. However this year not enough people for the party, and they are way too old to do it. Im really nervous that my Dads gonna be calling my legs too skinny all night :[ but Im not allowed to wear jeans...and I dont own any other "winter" dressy outfit...I though I would be home free cause my Uncle was coming and he would distract my Dad cause they would be catching up and all that, but he just called and said he wasnt coming cause he couldnt get on the plane or it was delayed or I really dont know. What I do know is, my Dads gonna want to weigh me.

16Oz=1Pint=1Pound. I need to drink a ton of water just incase they decide to weigh me. lol Im gonna need to pee soo bad! but I have 32Oz of Iced-Tea so Ive got 2Lbs on me :]