I've never been more depressed

Im freaking about college. What if I dont get in? When will I know? How disappointed could my parents be? What if I end up going to community college with the failures? Im on the verge of tears trying to keep myself calm. I was going to post a help me on Reddit but Id rather come here. I mean. For Gods sake MEGAN got into college and shes got some bad grades. I at least have an 83GPA. I cant do shit. I have my life. I hate it.

-sigh-

I went to the mall with my Mom today, we both got the Reebok Easy Tone sneakers(on sale $39!) and Ive been wearing them for a couple hours. I can already feel them working my calves, I just hope they actually do something for my ass. Its always nice to get hit on and I did. twice.

I really just want to break down and cry. But I cant. I need to write an essay about Death of a Salesman that was due like 2weeks ago and if I dont hand it in tomorrow then its a 0 forever. I need to finish my art for AP art. I need to do laundry. I probably had math HW. I need to cry for about an hour.
my life is just a bottle of fuck.

btw welcome new followers :D Think thin and all that.

Hello Again.

wow. Its been almost an entire month since Ive last posted on here. Well theres a reason for it. I just started smoking weed. Now Ive smoked weed before but my bro got me my own piece(glass pipe) and I found my own dealer so now Im smoking weed just about every day. Munchies are a hard thing to ignore which means I eat. Im keeping a steady weight of around 107.0lbs I think. Im gonna get on my Wii fit and check (out of weed today!) my weight right after I finish this post. Im going to try and post on here a little more often, just as a reminder to myself to keep my weight down but if weed has made me realize one thing its how good food tastes so Im gonna enjoy every last bit.

Its quite funny how habits have formed cause even when Im high I still check calories on the back, I still try not to eat, when I see a thin girl in magazine I think of what good thinspo she is.

Think thin!

[EDIT] I weigh 104.5!

My Reasons...I Found Them

While flipping through my Thinspo/food diary it slipped from my hand and fell open on the floor so the second to last page of the little notebook. On the page was my reasons to loose-weight and be skinny. These were written sometime last July. I had completely forgot that I had written these haha :] But here is what I wrote

-Thin is actually in
-Everyone likes skinny girls
-A skinny girl looks good in everything(and I like looking good)
-Feeling light as a feather
-Making people jealous
-Thin girls are sexy, Fatties are disgusting
-Ashley, Sabrina, Shannon, Petra, Megan, Kelly (fat friends)
-Sitting on laps <3
-Being the small friend
-Making people stop and stare

I thought those were pretty good reasons to be skinny as I can be. It is a new year and those reasons still mean the world to me and so I will do them. I will be thin. Ima be a stick figure.

What a waste of a Day...

Well I did pretty good as far as food went today. Gram and I went to a local deli, and both got Vitamin Waters(150cals) We were supposed to have lots do today. We had a whole list of things, but somehow we wasted about 4 hours, an hour of that was stuck in traffic and lost. We ended up going to Starbucks, Borders, gym equipment store, gas station, and a music store. After 3hrs of driving around to those places, the only thing we had to show for all that was coffees, and a guitar strap for a friend. Ugh. It was such a waste of a day!

to top it all off, my friend totally bailed on me and my brother so now Im stuck at home till Gram gets home from his friends house. I got a brand new pipe today, its so cute and whistles...I just dont know what to name it. We were gonna blaze but nooooooo. Oh well, were gonna do that later anyway.

So my food today:
Vitamin Water
Water
Diet Pepsi
Vanilla Latte
Ham
Potatoes
Broccoli
Water

So not much eaten. Im really really tired though. I havent gotten any sleep in the past couple days. Im so sorry Im out of energy.

...And then I got High

Okay Vermont was really hard. No joke! My parents made me eat every morning, and lunch, and dinner. EW. I did about half the skiing I normally do, I just wanted to sleep and read. There were other families in the house we were staying in, and I dont like any of them. Vermont is hell. Theres no Cell service, or WiFi, or people. It sucks.

We were supposed to come home on thursday, but Gram and I convinced my dad to come home a day early. It was the longest 4 hours of my life. SHIT! We finally hot home and within moments of unpacking the car me and my brother were out the door with a nice blunt. I was going to do so much, blog, catch up, eat LIGHTLY, do laundry, get cleaned up, etc. But nope. We got home at 11:45Pm still blazed, and I got a little drunk.

So all plans bashed I did the most stupid thing I have ever done. High, with munchies, I went to MCDONALDS. I got a angus beef snack rap, large fries, diet pepsi, and a 5 piece crispy chicken strips all with mayo, catsup, and honey mustard.

Long story short: my stomach is fat and in pain, I really need to pee but Im way to tired to, and my nose is annoying me.

<3