Things have Changed a Lot

Well, im in college and I love it. Smoke weed and do drug everyday. I did gain the freshmen 5, but im working on that. Theres so much shit thats happened to me here that I cant write everything. Ive made so many friends here but such bad things have happened at the same time. Friends trying to kill themselves, friends getting arrested and leaving school, friends being violent alcoholics and cutting themselves, loosing a very special pipe to the police, me going to the hospital for taking 22benadryl, having to pick up another friend from jail. The list is long. Yesterday was the worst.

it started Thursday, my friend and I went to Canada for the day and had an awesome time (I woke up at like 9am) saw Niagara Falls and stole some shit from gift shops, climbed over the railing next to the falls for a superman toy. Great time. When I got back home my friend asked me if I wanted to drop some Acid. I said hell yea. Popped it in my mouth and an hour latter I was laughing my fucking ass off, and I didnt stop for hours. It was great. I stayed up all night on chatroullette with my roommate brian. the next day I kept getting waves of acid feeling(that was cool) but long after it had worn off I couldnt look at people. All the worries about school, friends, myself just crashed on me. I couldnt get out of bed. I cried everytime someone knocked at my door. when my friend came down to ask me what was wrong i ran away in to the woods(theres a creek surrounded by woods next to my school where we all smoke weed and do drugs and have fires) i sat there for a good hour or two bawling my eyes out trying to think of what to do. Kill myself? cant do that. Im to much of a pussy for it. cut myself a little? no. Im smarter than that. My only option was to get help. I told the school counclers I was suicidal and were going to try and give me partial medical leave so this semester wont be a total fuck up. Ugh. after that my friends forced me to eat. at that point I still hadnt eaten in over 24hrs and I was really proud of that. when I got in the shower I was seeing the diffrence the past week or so of me eating alot less has worked. i dont know Im going to be on here a bit more I hope while I work on myself.

College!

so I finally went to college, ive been here for a week. Im at Fredonia in NY about 7hrs from home and honestly...Im miserable. I havent really made friends(not for a lack of trying just noone sticks :/) My classes are alright. Im taking Geology, English, a 2D design class, and a Foundations in drawing class as well as a Art history and a Visiting Artist program. My roomate is cretty cool, a bit messy but nothing to bad. I like my room and my dorm but I havent made friends, I just dont feel right here. :[

So here is the worst and best part. The food. Mostly I made my own food in my dorm, mostly rice or ramen. There a a million places to get food. My favorite dining hall has a huge selection and best of all they post all the calories in the meal your eating. The worst part about that is nobody likes that dining hall, they like the other place that serves pizza, garlic bread, basically everything unhealthy with no calories posted. The other dining hall right next to my dorm is a all you can eat buffet of unhealthy. THIS IS WHY WE GAIN THE  FRESHMAN 15!! ugh :[

As i said ive been here a week, most of it spent in my room. Im totally unhappy. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my home. I miss my family. I have no idea how much I weigh anymore so im going to walmart in a little bit to buy a scale and whatever else I need. Ive started smoking about 7X more cigarettes than ever before. I really thought Id like college...

Im sorry :( Ive turned into a lardball

Im sorry everyone, I disappeared on all of you and for the worst reason, to eat. The past 2weeks of so ive been eating like crazy. And it hasnt been just any food...its been real junk food. Ive eaten McDonalds 4times. Not even the chicken or getting smalls, full on BigMac, large fries, and diet coke. One time i got 2mighty kids meals, TWO OF THEM. Ive been eating 5-10 pizza bagels for breakfast. One morning I ate 15 cookies called Coconut dreams, theyre basically somoas in one sitting.  What im trying to tell you is I have a problem.

Im sick, i cant get outta this binge and Chess isnt helping me at all. Hes a junk food eater. He eats junk like that at least once a week. He is the one bringing me food, feeding me, driving me to McDonalds, or wherever I want to stuff my face. I love him to death and I know he means well but hes making me fat. Ugh.

Yesterday I started to buckle down, I drank water at Chess's house instead of gingerale. I only ate a little chinese food for dinner around5ish and didnt eat the rest of the night. I defidently worked off the pizza bagels I had for breakfast, Chess and I painted his living room yesterday for his mom, we had to move lots of furniture and whatnot but it ended up looking really nice :)

Todays going to better and a real workout. Were going on zip lines so im gonna be moving alot today :) Chess slept over last night cause hes coming with us, he tucked me in last night and kissed me goodnight, it was the best thing ever <3

Thin dreams!

Working it Off is Going to Kill Me

So yesterday I graduated :D it was really boring and long, I don't find things like that important at all. Id rather have just been handed the diploma on the last day of school. Id guess you'd just say Im low key.

So this is me in my cap and gown, one good thing about graduation is those gowns, noone can tell how much you weigh under them!

After graduation my parents, Chess, and I went out to an amazing Chinese food restaurant. Coincidentally its the same one that Chess delivers for, but their food is so fucking good I cant help but go there for sushi whenever I get the chance.  

This is the kind of Sushi I ate, its called a passion roll, look! its a heart! :D Its a spicy tuna and avocado roll with a piece of tuna on top YUMM

Alright, so I gotta tell you about today and how hard I worked! When I woke up I went downstairs and had my usual bagel and coffee(550 calories) then after that I decided that wasn't cool, too many calories. So I got my ass going! I spent hours working on the Wii fit, I started doing the biking game for about 30minutes(kind of like running in place) then I actually ran in place for another 30minutes burning around 300calories(including other games etc.) in between my exercise I ate a salad and had a Sun Drop soda, altogether I had around over 1000calories, but after all that exercise(and I'm not even done for today) I ate about 700 calories, which is the best I've done in weeks!  

Thin dreams <3

Its a Two Update Day!

Alright, went to the doctors and I do in fact have a UTI. Ugh. its really painful >.<

I got 3 really cute dresses today :D One is for graduation, the other two are just cause I look awesome in them. Its really weird, my favorite thing ever is big red and white stripes, even though horizontal stripes are supposed to make you look bigger I wear them all the time. I have 2shirts, 1dress, and a pair of shoes all red and white stripes. I am a girl obsessed! I just love them, I think they look great on me. ;]

Ive eaten a fuck ton of food today.: 

Everything Bagel +Butter

Coffee+Hot Chocolate+milk

Watermelon Blowpop

Chicken Caesar Salad in a Spinach Wrap

Water

Ice Cream+Chocolate Sauce+ Cherries

Im really sad right now. I have the NY State Trig Regents tomorrow Im afraid Im going to fail though >.< My Dad wouldnt let me go out tonight even for a few hours to see Chess and he couldnt come over because he had to watch his little sister. I havent seen him in two days and its really hard after seeing him every single day and spending hours with him for the past 2weeks or so. I miss him :/ so tonights really not going as well I had hoped. My stomach hurts, Im not snuggling with my boy, I ate a fuck tom of food, my parents are mad at me for some reason, and ughhh I have to go to bed early tooonight and thats going to suck.

Ill probably end up eating half a bagel later >.<