I Deserve All This Pain

Last night was the first night in awhile that Ive gotten blazed. The munchies hit me like a fucking train. I opened an Arnold Palmer Iced tea, and then went downstairs and fried a Quesadilla, it was gooey and cheesy and hot and crunchy and oh so fucking delicious. I felt like a failure after I ate it. When I woke up in the morning I decided that a good breakfast would be another Quesadilla. I have no idea why I told my dad to cook me one, but before I knew it I was chewing on another disgusting, greasy, chicken and cheese filled thing. Theyre about 700 calories each, and I drank half my Iced Tea.


Heres where my day just turn to shit. All day my stomach has been killing me. Just killing me. You know when your stomach hurts so bad, youre doubled over, all the energy is taken out of you, and that pain radiates all the way to your mouth? That was me all day. Every now and then my stomach would make an epic grumble immediately hurdling me into a world of pain. I wanted to cry. Somehow, despite all the pain I was in, I still managed to walk around school, to the deli and back twice, and seem perfectly fine almost the entire time. But believe me, it was tough. But honestly I learned my lesson. I deserved all the pain I was in for eating those damn Quesadillas.

Chess and I were supposed to go out for a sandwich today, but he had a tire blow out while he was driving. I would've loved to spend time with him, but he was stranded at a car shop. I would have picked him up but I dont drive. My parents are making me start a driving course this week so I guess Im going to learn to drive >.<

I think there is going to be ribs slathered in bbq sauce and egg noodles for dinner. Ugh. I feel sick enough and I already exceeded the 800 calorie mark today. I wish I could just go to sleep now rather then stay up till 1 again like I did last night. Im sad, but I hope reading your wonderful blogs will cheer me up.

Thin dreams <3

Coffee and Smokes and Cold Diet Cokes...

Thats what pretty girls are made of.

That has become my favorite thinspo quote of all time, because basically thats what Im made of. Today was really good. Spent all day high as a kite, and resisted all food. I drank an Arizona green tea, A diet Cherry Coke, and my parents made hamburgers. I ate it on a small piece of bread and a piece of cheese.

The weather was horrible today, which made going out for a smoke really unpleasant. We were cold and wet. Ugh. We went out later when the rain stopped and the fog rolled in. It was really pretty. Im extremely tired. I really need to stop staying up so late talking to Chess. We were supposed to go get a Cluckin Russian at the local deli after school, but I havent heard from him since around noon. So it was really good for me :]

Theres one girl at school who is really pissing me off. She prances around like shes some fucking skinny ass hipster. She acts like shes the hottest shit to hit the floor. Shes not skinny. Shes one of those girls who looks skinny when she sucks it in, but she cant suck in her thunder thighs, or her ample arms. And she sure as shit cant hide the fat in her fleshy face. Shes one of those people who posts pictures of herself in hopes shell be all over tumblr. It makes me sick. If youre not a skinny girl, dont act like a skinny girl, cause youre not a skinny girl.

By the way, I would kill for a body like this. I wish I looked like that. I mean flat stomach, not lumpy or bumpy, just perfect. 

Im going to be wearing a dress to school tomorrow with my Ying Megs :) I hope to hell I look good in it. I dont want to feel fat all day tomorrow. 

Intake today:

1 Arizona Iced tea (210)

1 hamburger (350)

1 Diet Cherry Coke (0)

1 Diet Pepsi (0)

Total:560 Calories today :D

Im going to smoke to celebrate my good day! I mean, I was going to blaze anyway but now I can be happy while I do! Im also doing crunches/situps till I puke. I will have great abs. I WILL HAVE GREAT ABS.

<33 I love all you girls!

This Week Will Be Good

At least for me. One of my best friends in the world, were Ying and Yang got arrested for shop lifting. :/  it sucks but at least shes not in jail. Tomorrow is going to be a weed-smoking day. Any way. Im double posting just to catch up so Im not always posting about yesterday.

Today was a great day. All I ate was 1 Arizona Iced Tea(270) and 1/2 a Chicken Pot Pie(325) for a grand total of 595calories. It was a 600 calorie day. Thats the best Ive done in weeks. I weighed myself after dinner, and it was 107.0Lbs considering the week that I had and all the terrible binging Ive thats not so bad. I probably weighed 105.0 last week Im going to try and stick to the liquid diet as best I can.

I have decided that I need to reach my goal by my Birthday in April, because Im going down to North Carolina for my Spring Break to see Gram. I cant wait. Its going to be sunny and warm and Im going to get tan and look amazing. I refuse to go down to a beach town looking like fucking Rosie O'Donnell. Its not going to happen.

Im pretty sure that were having Burgers for dinner tomorrow, and thats about 170calories not including bread and lettuce. How I like my burgers is one small piece of bread, and a piece of lettuce in place of top bun. Damn thinking about a nice juicy burger is making me hungry. But that just means Im doing really well.today. :D

What a Fucking Joke.

Yesterday I said, "My goal today is not to eat, or to eat as little as possible" Can you guess what happened? Can you? If you guessed "you ate a fucking ton" then youve just won the Million Calorie Prize.


Lunch wasnt so bad, I ate a quarter of my moms sandwich and one Iced tea. Then after my parents were all tuckered out from skiing we all hopped into the car and went to King Aurthur Flour, its a baking/cooking supplies type store. I couldnt help myself in there. I bought Pecan Pie filling and you know thats all sugar. I also bought toasted coconut scone mix. By the time we were done in King Aurthur it was dinner time and we found this amazing restaurant called the Tip Top Cafe. 

The Tip Top Cafe had some of the absolutely best food that I have eaten in a while. I just could not controle myself. Appetizer were perfectly cooked and seasoned crispy golden fries with a garlic sauce. For dinner I ate grilled duck, with sauted spinach and onions, over fried fingerling potatoes, all drizzled in a cranberry sauce. And lastly, Creme Brulee for dessert. Honestly. Could any of you have turned down such a meal for a small side salad? If you could, then you are a stronger person then I and thou art my hero.



I didnt eat at all until late at night when Harry broke out the Budweiser. I only drank 2...homw many calories is that? TO GOOGLE! Jesus Christ 145. that means in about 30 minutes I drank almost 300calories. I hooked up with Harry again rather then go smoke a cigarette, and now I want one sooo badly. I really dont like to drink. Id rather smoke. Theres no calories in smoke. 


Lest see the damage done.
1/4 sandwich
2 Arizona green tea
Fries+garlic sauce
Duck+spinach+onions+potatoes
Creme Brulee
2 Beer
1 Diet Pepsi
Its not the quantity of food that go me yesterday(although dinner was huge-o-mudo) it was that all the food I ate was really high in calories. Damn. Today is looking up at least. Ive only had 1/2 and Arizona Iced Tea(135) and I think Im having half a Chicken Pot Pie for dinner maybe 350 calories? nice. so about 575calories today :D


 Im going to try doing the liquid fast. Im not sure how strictly Ill be able to follow it though. I have to eat dinner with my parents almost every night! But I will participate to the best of my ability! <33 


Thin Dreams Girls <3

Does That Make Me a Slut?...a Fat Slut?

Alright. So last night. After a few beers, I snuggled up with this super cute boy :] Hes real nice, 20, and lives in NJ. I didn't feel guilty about hooking up with him, probably because I was drunk hahaha. I always forget how nice boy-kisses are...mmmmm boy-kisses....We ended up staying awake till 4:30am...well at least he did, I fell asleep with my head on his chest. Needless to say waking up a 7:00am this morning was not  a pleasant experience. I had a slight hangover, and was so tired I could barley walk. But last night was still nice :]

Yesterday turned into a terrible terrible terrible terrible food fest. I drank 3different Arizona Iced Teas( green tea, Iced tea, and Arnold Palmer iced tea) I dont even want to begin thinking about the calories in that. Fuck. Lunch was quesodillas, and holy crap they were delicious. Cheesy, chicken-y, gooey, yummy goodness. About 300calories. Honestly if that was the only thing I had eaten I wouldve been so happy. We had raviolis in red sauce for dinner, I thought I was going to be sick. I had to eat 8 of them and good Lord it was a battle to keep putting those in my face. After that ordeal was over my Mom pops into the room where Im sleeping with a bowl of Ice Cream covered in butterscotch and cherries. Yes. I ate it. Yes, I regret it. Yes I am ashamed of my weak constitution. ew.

My goal today is not to eat, or to eat as little as possible. I skipped breakfast, mostly due to the hangover. I have 2 Iced teas waiting for me so one of those is lunch and another is after dinner snack. yea. Now let see if I can stick to this plan...

Since my last post Ive eaten:
Raviolis
Arizona Iced Tea
Arnold Palmer Iced Tea
Butterscotch Ice Cream Sundae
3beers
diet Pepsi
Quesodilla
Grilled Cheese
And if I ate anything else I really dont remember >.<

I cant wait to go home tomorrow. 4hr car ride? no problem. Creepy fat dude sitting across from me at the ski lodge? problem. Same creepy dude talking to me? bigger problem.

<33