College!

so I finally went to college, ive been here for a week. Im at Fredonia in NY about 7hrs from home and honestly...Im miserable. I havent really made friends(not for a lack of trying just noone sticks :/) My classes are alright. Im taking Geology, English, a 2D design class, and a Foundations in drawing class as well as a Art history and a Visiting Artist program. My roomate is cretty cool, a bit messy but nothing to bad. I like my room and my dorm but I havent made friends, I just dont feel right here. :[

So here is the worst and best part. The food. Mostly I made my own food in my dorm, mostly rice or ramen. There a a million places to get food. My favorite dining hall has a huge selection and best of all they post all the calories in the meal your eating. The worst part about that is nobody likes that dining hall, they like the other place that serves pizza, garlic bread, basically everything unhealthy with no calories posted. The other dining hall right next to my dorm is a all you can eat buffet of unhealthy. THIS IS WHY WE GAIN THE  FRESHMAN 15!! ugh :[

As i said ive been here a week, most of it spent in my room. Im totally unhappy. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my home. I miss my family. I have no idea how much I weigh anymore so im going to walmart in a little bit to buy a scale and whatever else I need. Ive started smoking about 7X more cigarettes than ever before. I really thought Id like college...

Im sorry :( Ive turned into a lardball

Im sorry everyone, I disappeared on all of you and for the worst reason, to eat. The past 2weeks of so ive been eating like crazy. And it hasnt been just any food...its been real junk food. Ive eaten McDonalds 4times. Not even the chicken or getting smalls, full on BigMac, large fries, and diet coke. One time i got 2mighty kids meals, TWO OF THEM. Ive been eating 5-10 pizza bagels for breakfast. One morning I ate 15 cookies called Coconut dreams, theyre basically somoas in one sitting.  What im trying to tell you is I have a problem.

Im sick, i cant get outta this binge and Chess isnt helping me at all. Hes a junk food eater. He eats junk like that at least once a week. He is the one bringing me food, feeding me, driving me to McDonalds, or wherever I want to stuff my face. I love him to death and I know he means well but hes making me fat. Ugh.

Yesterday I started to buckle down, I drank water at Chess's house instead of gingerale. I only ate a little chinese food for dinner around5ish and didnt eat the rest of the night. I defidently worked off the pizza bagels I had for breakfast, Chess and I painted his living room yesterday for his mom, we had to move lots of furniture and whatnot but it ended up looking really nice :)

Todays going to better and a real workout. Were going on zip lines so im gonna be moving alot today :) Chess slept over last night cause hes coming with us, he tucked me in last night and kissed me goodnight, it was the best thing ever <3

Thin dreams!

Working it Off is Going to Kill Me

So yesterday I graduated :D it was really boring and long, I don't find things like that important at all. Id rather have just been handed the diploma on the last day of school. Id guess you'd just say Im low key.

So this is me in my cap and gown, one good thing about graduation is those gowns, noone can tell how much you weigh under them!

After graduation my parents, Chess, and I went out to an amazing Chinese food restaurant. Coincidentally its the same one that Chess delivers for, but their food is so fucking good I cant help but go there for sushi whenever I get the chance.  

This is the kind of Sushi I ate, its called a passion roll, look! its a heart! :D Its a spicy tuna and avocado roll with a piece of tuna on top YUMM

Alright, so I gotta tell you about today and how hard I worked! When I woke up I went downstairs and had my usual bagel and coffee(550 calories) then after that I decided that wasn't cool, too many calories. So I got my ass going! I spent hours working on the Wii fit, I started doing the biking game for about 30minutes(kind of like running in place) then I actually ran in place for another 30minutes burning around 300calories(including other games etc.) in between my exercise I ate a salad and had a Sun Drop soda, altogether I had around over 1000calories, but after all that exercise(and I'm not even done for today) I ate about 700 calories, which is the best I've done in weeks!  

Thin dreams <3

Its a Two Update Day!

Alright, went to the doctors and I do in fact have a UTI. Ugh. its really painful >.<

I got 3 really cute dresses today :D One is for graduation, the other two are just cause I look awesome in them. Its really weird, my favorite thing ever is big red and white stripes, even though horizontal stripes are supposed to make you look bigger I wear them all the time. I have 2shirts, 1dress, and a pair of shoes all red and white stripes. I am a girl obsessed! I just love them, I think they look great on me. ;]

Ive eaten a fuck ton of food today.: 

Everything Bagel +Butter

Coffee+Hot Chocolate+milk

Watermelon Blowpop

Chicken Caesar Salad in a Spinach Wrap

Water

Ice Cream+Chocolate Sauce+ Cherries

Im really sad right now. I have the NY State Trig Regents tomorrow Im afraid Im going to fail though >.< My Dad wouldnt let me go out tonight even for a few hours to see Chess and he couldnt come over because he had to watch his little sister. I havent seen him in two days and its really hard after seeing him every single day and spending hours with him for the past 2weeks or so. I miss him :/ so tonights really not going as well I had hoped. My stomach hurts, Im not snuggling with my boy, I ate a fuck tom of food, my parents are mad at me for some reason, and ughhh I have to go to bed early tooonight and thats going to suck.

Ill probably end up eating half a bagel later >.< 

Graduation!

My thighs. Still chubby but I love the space between them 

So I know that you might not want to hear about this, but ohhh fuuuuck I think I have a urinary tract infection. It huuuuuuurts to peeeeeeeeeeee! Not fun yeooo. Im going to the doctors later today :( hopefully it will get better.

Ok, but tomorrow Im graduation High school! Ive got rehersal at 8am, and then my trig regents at 12:15, and finally graduation at 6:00pm. Im pretty excited except I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR. Im hoping my mom will take me to Forever 21 and get a cute cheap dress. I really like wearing dresses but I have like one or two that are casual enough to wear out on a regular day. My favorite dress I got when I was still big, it  didnt fit and looked terrible on me, my mom told me to get rid of it but I kept it. Now I look pretty damn good in it. It was one of those little victories. :]

Last night was really bad. Filet mignon with a gorgonzola sauce on top, baked potatoe fries, and asparagus. Then i drank 2 cans of Sun Drop soda. Ugh. So much. I didnt even bother weighing myself. Right now
Im watching Hoarders, i like watching it alot. I find somthing nice about watching people with no control, makes me feel like i actually have some
.

And  now for some bikini Thinspo!!